Flab mountain: From cow to wow

My father is ill, again.

2012-02-23T13:32:00.000+01:00

My stepmother called me this morning, saying that my father was taken to the hospital. As you may or may not know, he has PKD and is struggling with this. One of the symptoms is a very high blood pressure, because of how the body needs to work extra hard, seeing as his kidneys barely function. His GP suspected that he had a minor brain hemorrhage, and clearly this is serious.

I'm catching a plane up there tomorrow, I feel like I need to be there and do whatever I can. He will be fine, but it's hard being so far away when something like this happens. If nothing else, I can look after my siblings and help out with the practical things. He has always been there for me in my time of need, and I will do nothing less. If all I can do is hold his hand and promise everything will be okay, that is what I'll do.

Please send good thoughts and cross your fingers. I'm a big daddy's girl (I have written about him before), and I really need him to get well this time too.

♥♥♥♥

What did I do to deserve this?

2012-02-22T12:20:00.000+01:00

I feel like karma is kicking my butt big time lately. First I had tonsillitis, and when I finally started feeling batter.... I got sick again. It came back with a vengeance, and brought along big brother pneumonia. Fortunately it's on the "light" side, but I feel dreadful. What happened to just getting well, getting back into the gym and all that? I've been sick for almost two weeks and its' starting to wear me down to be honest. Not to mention that the 2nd round of antibiotics is *killing* my stomach.

Ugh.

So a very miserable and whiny post from me today, I guess the upside is that it could be worse - and that I will heal completely, it just takes time. Tick tock. :-)

What feels different after losing 30lb?

2012-02-21T14:42:00.001+01:00

Let me tell you - a lot of things!

Not just the belief that I can lose weight, although that's really important. For the first time in my life I actually believe that this is possible, and that I will reach my goal. Having that confidence is really changing my outlook on this entire journey, and I'm loving every single step of it! But after losing 30lb, there are a few things I have noticed that are different:

I can scratch all areas of my own back. Couldn't do that +30lbs ago.
I can stand up from the couch without using my arms or having to get some momentum first.
The arm rests of waiting room chairs don't dig into my hips anymore.
Drying myself after a shower is now effortless.
Taking showers is effortless too..
Practically no headaches.
Better skin (probably because of a better diet).

It's really inspiring to me that this list will continue to grow as I lose more weight. I will be able to do things I used to fear, and even things that were physically (or mentally) impossible to do. If this isn't proof that I am changing my life, I don't know what is.

This is a picture of me from my confirmation (a civil confirmation). This was in 2000, and I was 15 years old. I felt really fat at this point in my life, but looking back... I'd love to be that size again. The costume/dress is a traditional Norwegian costume, named "bunad". There are many different kinds, all representing geographical areas. My grandmother made this for me with her own two hands, and it means the world for me. I have been worried that it won't fit me, but it does - and I intend to keep it that way. That's another thing that's changed from losing 30lb.

What has changed for you in your weight loss?

Week #20 Weigh-in + goals

2012-02-20T12:05:00.000+01:00

Being sick since Tuesday, and still not being well, losing a lot of weight wasn't in the cards. With any other illness I lose weight, but I guess it's a bit different with tonsillitis. I usually eat a lot of ice cream to both comfort my throat, but also to just get some sort of nutrition in my stomach. It might sound like a bad excuse, but trust me, it's not. The last thing I wanted to eat was ice cream, but it helps. I'm not sorry I did, it's how I cope with tonsillitis.

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 110.2kg / 242.9lb

Current weight: 109.8kg / 242lb

This week's loss: 0.4kg / 0.9lb

Total loss: 13.4kg / 30lb

I HIT THE 30LB MARK!!

Spring Chick Challenge goals:

- I will work out 4x times. Not a chance, but I did go for two walks.
- I will drink 1.5L water each day Almost, I had to drink a lot this week for my throat.
- Not exceed 1600kcal. No idea, I was too sick to care.

My 7th challenge week was .. less than stellar, considering I was sick. But there's nothing I can do about that, it is what it is. I didn't remain sweets free obviously, since I used ice cream as 'medication'. I had no proper workouts, but my walks were brilliant! I'm still not well so I'll just play this week by ear, but:

Let's make the coming week awesome!

Ducks and my own shop!

2012-02-19T17:17:00.000+01:00

Bit of a random title huh? ;)

Ducks first! I went for a slow walk with my friend Vibeche, up to Skranevatnet - a small lake/pond close by. I bought two loafs of bread to feed to the ducks, and boy were they ever eager! Bit scary if you ask me, we were definitely outnumbered!

Okay, and in other news: I have opened a shop! It's not as fancy as you think. It's the Norwegian equivalent of Etsy.com - and I'm selling my yarn and card projects. Mostly hats! The url is: http://myra.epla.no/ - and yes, I do realize it's in Norwegian. I figured you might want a look anyway! Here's some of the stuff I'm selling!

Wish me luck!

On sales and my weigh-in tomorrow!

Taco pie!

2012-02-18T16:38:00.000+01:00

Friday I made my favourite pie in the whole world: taco pie! I've taken a few pictures and the recipe will follow. I highly recommend it if you like Tex-Mex food. If you don't like Tex-Mex, I still recommend it!

The pie crust. I use a ready-made one that I can just roll out, and poke my fork in. It's relatively low fat, and doesn't have a lot of calories. If I make one myself I use a lot more flour, and thus it's more "expensive" calorie wise. You can use any kind you wish.

Fry minced beef. I use a kind I buy at my butcher's with less than 5% fat in it. Finely chop 1 onion and add it to the frying pan. Add taco spices (I use Santa Maria Tex Mex Taco Seasoning). You can also add corn nibblets if you want. I usually do but didn't have any left.

On top of the meat, add a layer of chopped tomatoes. Some prefer the chunky chopped ones, some chop their own. If you dice up your own tomatoes, do not use the insides. It will make the pie too runny. I use half a can of Mutti Polpa tomatoes. Use any kind you want, but as you can see, it's just covering the beef slightly.

This is a mixture of a box (3dl / 10 oz.) of creme fraiche (not the low fat kind), 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise, 1/2 tablespoon of ground pepper and finely chopped garlic cloves. I use 3 cloves, use as many as you prefer. :)

Sprinkle it with cheese, and put it in the oven. I use approximately 225C / 437F for 25-30 minutes.

Serve it with a salad, some croutons and a bit of sour cream. It is d e l i c i o u s! If you're thinking that this is a crazy unhealthy meal you're wrong! If you slice this pie into 8 pieces, each would have 384 calories - that's not bad!!Let me know if you try it, I'd love to hear if you like it!

That's all I had to share from my weekend kitchen, but I would like to kindly ask you to check out yesterday's post: I love myself. It's a super important topic, and I think everyone need to think about it. That goes if you're on a weight loss journey or not. :)

Have a great weekend everyone!

I love myself.

2012-02-17T21:09:00.000+01:00

Beautiful Cyn had a link-up on Valentine's Day, where you were supposed to blog about loving yourself (and not just show your love for others on this day). I really wanted to participate, but being sick I wasn't up for writing. Now that I am, I still want to do it.

I love myself. I have always done that, despite being overweight most of my life. I have been lucky, I never tied my weight to my self-worth or the ability to love me. Because frankly, I'm a decent person. Maybe you're not supposed to say that, but I think I am. I'm not perfect in any shape or form, I have made horrible mistakes and hurt people countless times. I have lied, deceived and broken trust. I have done all the bad things people do within reason, but I'm still okay. I have written about how I was broken, and how I found change in my life - all tied to love and self-love. That post was probably the single most eye-opening (for me) post I'll ever write.

I love that I treat my family and friends with respect and love. I tell them that they matter. I make notes and cards and send to people to let them know that I care. I'm always here for the people in my life, whenever they may need me. Be it a phone call at 4am, or if they need to get away from problems in their lives, I am here. My friends know that I will offer all the support I possibly can, and then some. I am an extremely loyal friend, and I don't break trust anymore. My friends know that I will tell them the truth, despite it not being the appropriately sugar coated answers others give. I am proud of that. It is the reason why many don't like me, but this is what I am. When everyone else is telling you what you want to hear, I'll tell you the truth. And to me, that is worth something.

Friends!

I love that I'm taking care of my health. After being less than a priority for years, it's finally changed. I've always wanted to be fit, to be able to do what everyone else can do. I used to dream of being skinny, but I've learned to accept that that's not going to happen for me. But I can be normal. I can have a healthy weight and be comfortable in my own skin. That's enough for me, it really is. I love that I have 60kgs / 132lb of muscles in my body. I am strong, and I am only getting stronger. I love that I can hike increasingly tougher mountains and trails, and I love that I will make 2012 the year when I climbed all the big mountains in my county.

Hiking glory!

I love that I have a positive attitude. At least, I think I have. I deal with obstacles and challenges, and I never let them hold me down or weigh on me. I always find a way. Such as with the horrible pain after my surgery. I perceive myself as a solution-oriented person, both in my professional life and at home. I have never had a fight with my husband, because we both find it in ourselves to choose to not misunderstand, to always assume the other acts with best intentions at heart. My attitude says compromise, rather than "my way", but it also says that I have to be heard. Basically, I love myself for the way I approach things in life. I wouldn't ever want to change that.

Positive!

I love that I care so much. When something catches my attention, it roots in my heart and I am forever committed to the cause. This is why I decided to become a teacher. To me, teaching is an act of love. I can change lives. And even if I at the end of the road have changed the life of only one child, that is enough. I will always fight for the kids who need me to, and I will push them as hard as they need to be pushed. I will make them feel like their 8 right answers out of 10 was close, but not enough - because they can do better and we both know it. I will make them feel like their 4 out of 10 was amazing, because for that child - it was! I will help them understand the weird looking letters, help them see how words are formed and make sense. I will introduce them to an entire world of stories hidden in books. I will make math seem like something they can do! I will teach respect and dignity, I will preach love, compassion and kindness. I will make children from minorities feel like they belong in my classroom too. I will see, really see, each child. I will terrorize parents and make them step up! They will be held accountable, and I will never ease up on them until they follow through. I will have spare lunches for those who don't have parents that provide, I will have spare dry clothes at hand, I will call their homes at night, I will remember what is important for the children and I will never fail them. If only one thing is certain in their uncertain worlds, it will be that their teacher cares. And that she will always care.
That is one thing I love about myself.

This was about why I love myself. Now I want to strongly encourage you all to write a post, or share in a comment, why you love yourself. In general, or on your weight loss journey. If you can't think of anything, think harder! ♥

I'm officially on the mend!

2012-02-16T12:05:00.000+01:00

I woke up this morning and felt better than yesterday - you all know what that means! I'm healing! My fever is low and I can actually swallow without cringing - huge improvements. :) I feel better, and for the first time since Monday I actually feel like eating! I still need to find something soft to eat, but at least the thought doesn't put me off!

The best part about being sick is how grateful you become for being healthy afterwards. I think I need to be sick from time to time, to feel how great my body works when I'm recovering, and when I'm not sick. I think a lot of people take that feeling for granted, not remembering that some people suffer throughout their lives, and some never recover at all. Just food for thought.

I'm not even close to being ready for exercise, but I want to - and that's a great sign!
How long do you wait with exercise after being sick??

Tonsilitis part 2

2012-02-15T12:30:00.001+01:00

After a night from hell, I'm feeling a bit better. Marginally better, but still. Everything helps. I have had problems eating because of my throat, and that led to a very upset stomach due to the antibiotics I'm taking. As if I needed another problem right now. I slept better though, and only woke up with fever shivers a few times. Hopefully tonight will be even better.

Needless to say, weight loss isn't at the front of my mind right now. Rest and recovery is! I won't stress getting back into exercising before I feel better again. The good thing is that I have no stress about it. I know I'll get back into it, I have no doubt. I used to panic when I got sick, because it meant I was off the wagon for months. Not anymore, and that means I've changed a bit for the better. :)

My husband got me flowers for Valentine's Day yesterday. Actually it was a combo-flower: 5 year anniversary (on the 12th), Valentine's Day and get-well-flowers. :) He's a sweetheart!

I won't be able to visit everyone right now, I'm just not feeling well enough to do it. I'm sorry for that, and I'll make it up to you when I get better. :)

Tonsilitis

2012-02-14T11:47:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I got it, and I got it bad. I can barely swallow, and I am wallowing in self-pity. My throat is so bad, I have a fever. Ugh. I generally just feel very, very sorry for myself. Here's hoping it'll pass quickly.

Week #19 Weigh-in + goals

2012-02-13T09:24:00.000+01:00

This week was harder for me than the past few ones. I had a big slip, but with great support I found my way again. I didn't exercise as hard as I have in the past, but I got the number of sessions I wanted at least. Oh, and it seems like I might be hitting another milestone soon..... ;)

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 111.2kg / 245.2lb

Current weight: 110.2kg / 242.9lb

This week's loss: 1.0kg / 2.3lb

Total loss: 13kg / 29.1lb

Spring Chick Challenge goals:

- I will work out 4x times. Yes! 5 times this week!
- I will drink 1.5L water each day No. I've only had 3/7 good days.
- Not exceed 1600kcal. Yes-ish! Despite the slip.

I reached 2/3 goals, and I know that I can do better on the water. I've bought a really good Camelbak bottle that will be a great help. I'm hoping that next week I'll have better water news!

I'm most proud of the working out. I haven't been at the gym as much as I had planned, but I have clocked miles and stayed active. I was worried that teaching practice would throw me off, but I've been good - and that's a relief! As far as advice goes, for my fellow challenge participants, all I can say is: stick with it. Just keep going. Pound by pound, we'll get there.

For my yearly goals I have made some more progress:

1561 minutes exercised - 11639 to go!
140.6k done - 664.4k to go!
I have been on the wagon for over 4 months!

Anniversary hike!

2012-02-12T16:48:00.000+01:00

I've been together with my husband for five years today - and they have been five amazing years. We talked about going on a date, but wound up hiking instead. We'll do the date before he goes back to Korea, but I must say it was a great choice! The weather was amazing, and we got to hike and talk for a few hours. We even packed a lunch and some treats - it was great!

The hike was just along our regular trail in the Arboretum. Only difference was that it was i c y! Mad, mad! Fortunately I wore my new crampons, and it was like walking on gravel! I tried to mind my steps anyway, don't want the crampons to be a false sense of security

We had our lunch by the cottage, it was really calm and lovely there today. The water was so cold it looked almost green - how cool is that! It wasn't cold in the air though, it was a lovely +4C / 40F.

A part of our lunch. Oranges and a KVIKK LUNSJ. The Kvikk Lunch (translates to Quick lunch) is a chocolate with a crispy biscuit in the center. Almost like a Kit Kat, only better. Almost like Twix, but not "caramely". It's a traditional "hiking chocolate" here, closely tied to going to the mountain during Easter and things like that. One package has four "bars" in it, and two bars is roughly 115 calories. Not too bad! Kvikk Lunsj, oranges and hot chocolate is essential to the outdoor life of any Norwegian. ;) We dropped the hot chocolate though, and had water instead. Speaking of which, I have bought a Camelbak bottle - and I love it. It's 750ml / 25 oz. and it is really helping me get my water intake up to par! All in all, a great, great anniversary for us!

What are your Sunday plans?

Hiking in the sleet/rain/snow!

2012-02-11T15:54:00.000+01:00

I went hiking at Storrinden again today, with my friends Anne Marit and Laila. It was raining/snowing, but it wasn't cold at all. I had actually bought some new crampons, but didn't need them today.

Yaktrax crampons

This is a closeup of my sweater, and as you can see .. it was wet. Now you might wonder, why did I hike with my jacket open? It's too small. ;) BUT, it was WAY too small before. Now I can almost close it, so there's progress. I was feeling hot from the hike too, so I probably wouldn't have closed it anyway!

This is me at the top point, looking quite proud if I have to be honest. I felt it too. Going out hiking in the snow/rain/sleet isn't something I would have done four months ago!

Me, Anne Marit and Laila! An amazing hiking gang, and I can't wait for the next trip! Everyone was so excited and happy at the top, it's infectious! Great, great hike!

Now it's time to kick back, relax, make dinner, watch TV.

Have a great Saturday everyone!

Trying new things: Celery root

2012-02-10T21:13:00.000+01:00

I tried a new (to me) vegetable a few days ago, and it was great! The celery root might be well known to most of you, but I've always ignored it. I love celery stalks, but the root? No idea what to do with it. My mother told me I could use it to make a great vegetable stock for my vegetable soups, and add it to my mashed potatoes for some flavoring.

This is the root. It looks alright I suppose. It has a lot of brown spots, but apparently it's supposed to be that way.

Here you see the brown spots even better. Not looking too good, huh?

I took these pieces and boiled them for a long time. I was supposed to take them out of the soup and save them in my fridge for later, but after having a taste I wound up eating them all. Just like that. It was tasty, I really enjoyed it. I'll be using it in all my vegetable soups and potato mash in the future. You can make a good puree of it too, as a side to a meat dish. All in all, two thumbs up!

Hiking in Hordnesskogen

2012-02-09T15:40:00.000+01:00

As I shared in yesterday's post, I'm taking on a massive hiking challenge this summer. I went hiking today, as the very first step in my exercise plan towards this big hike! I went to Hordnesskogen (The Hordnes Forest) with my friend Vibeche, and we walked the 6k / 3.7 mile round trip.

Hordnesskogen 6k lap

We spent 1.5 hours on the trip, averaging with a 4k/h pace. That's not exactly stellar, but it was i-c-y! I didn't have any crampons, so every step was carefully planned and twice as exhausting. :)

This is me on the top of a very icy hill. Clearly, getting up places like this takes a bit of effort, but that's what makes hiking fun right? We got home safe and sound in the end, and almost 700 calories poorer!

I just love icicles! Nature's own decorations! The weather was really nice today, almost +2C / 35F. That makes for a lovely hike in the winter! Now I have to prepare dinner, I'm going for a macaroni and sausage casserole, with tomato sauce.. MMM :D

Have a great Thursday!

Introducing: My biggest challenge yet.

2012-02-08T10:11:00.002+01:00

Thank you all for your advice yesterday. There were some really good words that spoke to me. Like, what advice would I have given to someone else that had fallen (or jumped) off the wagon? And that what I do next is the important thing! And how many times I have NOT gone there during my good four months. All I can say is - I hear you. Loud and clear. I'm back. I'm calm. I'm just going to move forward. I got this. And you got me. So thank you!

Now, for my challenge. When I found my calm last night, I felt the urge to give myself a huuge goal to work toward. Making this lifestyle change is one long challenge, but I've taken on another kind of challenge - and by far my biggest one yet. I have exercised regularly since I started this journey 4 months ago, but now I'm about to take it to the next level! I'm going all in!

This is a drawn map of my home town, Bergen. As you can see, we're located between a series of mountains - 7 to be precise (and of course a multitude of other mountaintops as well). Every year, the local "tourist association" arranges a 7-Mountain trip. That trip would be way, way too hard for me. Climbing 7 mountains in one day is not physically possible for me this summer. However, on the same day, they arrange the 4-Mountain trip. Basically you skip the first three, and do the hardest one + three others. If you click the map, you can see the route. It begins at "START 4-Fjell".

It begins with a steep climb up Mount Ulriken, roughly 640meters. Then we descend and cross the valley, and start climbing towards Mount Fløyen (a local tourist hotspot, over-viewing the entire city). This is roughly 400meters up. Moving on to Mount Rundemanen, heading up to 560m, and climbing down via Sandviksfjellet Mt..

Key points:

The hike is 17,5k / 11miles
The total ascent is 1200m / 4000 feet

Clearly, this is a huge challenge for me. Not only am I overweight, but I need to increase my fitness level greatly to be capable of going through with this. I need to make a whole new plan for my exercise. I need to build up stamina on walking for longer distances, hiking on steeper mountains, carrying a heavier backpack. I need to prepare my knees. I definitely need to prepare my lungs. If anyone have ANY type of advice, I greatly, greatly appreciate it.

I will call this The MountainCow Project!

I took this picture while hiking last summer. A true MountainCow! :)

I dived off the wagon! Ugh!

2012-02-07T16:41:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I didn't even fall off it. It's not like there was a speed bump that just made me fall off, I made a stupid choice and I dived off. Face first. Onto the pavement.

I know "slipping" isn't the end of the world, but it feels like a punch in the gut. I've been doing so well these past months, and I seriously thought my junk food issues were resolved. Wrong.

Some of the people from my group suggested grabbing a bite after we finished teaching today. I was totally up for that. We could eat, and plan sessions. Burger King was suggested and I didn't even object. I didn't suggest anything else. I wanted to go. In fact, I wanted it so badly I would have taken a bath in the deep frier to get my hands on some fries. It feels pathetic.

I enjoyed my burger and fries, I did. It's not so much the meal, or that I have f'ed up my plan as such. It's how overpowered I was by the cravings. How I didn't even stop to ask myself if it was worth it. I just wanted to stuff my face, and that really disappoints me. I thought I had come further than this.

Week #18 Weigh-in + goals

2012-02-06T15:55:00.000+01:00

Another decent week. I have to say I am happy with the progress so far. It's probably a weird thing to say, but this journey has been easier than I expected this time. I don't know what happened, but for some reason it's just doable this time around!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 111.9kg / 246.8lb

Current weight: 111.2kg / 245.2lb

This week's loss: 0.7kg / 1.5lb

Total loss: 12kg / 26.8lb

Spring Chick Challenge goals:

- I will work out 4x times. Yes! 5 times!
- I will drink 1.5L water each day Yes-ish! Sometimes more, sometimes less.
- Not exceed 1600kcal. Yes-ish! Averaging there.

For my yearly goals I have made some more progress:

1263 minutes exercised - 11937 to go!
122.3k done - 682.7k to go!
I have been on the wagon for over 4 months!

Have a wonderful Monday - I sure am! :)

I beat the weather!

2012-02-05T17:26:00.001+01:00

Today it's been snowing, and the wind has been howling. It was -2C earlier, but with the wind... it feels like at least 10. I had pretty much decided to stay inside and prepare for teaching practice tomorrow, when my friend Anne Marit asked me if I wanted to go hiking with her. We teamed up with my our friend Vibeche, and set off to Storrinden yet again.

This time we parked a bit further away, so the trip was 3.5k / 2.2miles. With the snow, wind and uphill climb - that's fair enough! Now my legs are tired, my cheeks are rosy and my conscience is fantastic!

Anne Marit and me, at the top! :D

Another "do or die"-period!

2012-02-04T17:10:00.000+01:00

Over the weekend I'm going back into teaching practice. On one side, I love being at school, in the classroom - with the kids. It's meaningful. On the other side, it is exhausting. I don't have a lot of experience, everything needs careful planning and preparations. The days are long, and the nights are even longer. Having a good session is very important to me, so I spend every moment planning and preparing. This also means that the me-time is very slim, and I sincerely worry how it will affect my weight loss journey. I can manage the food I think, but getting in my exercise will be a serious challenge. I need to make a plan, but I'm not entirely sure how to make it.

I've found a way to do this without panicking or questioning myself all the time, but going into three weeks of endless surprises and added work.. it's different. It's out of my control, and I don't deal with that very well. I need some advice, if you have any!

Source

A mini-makeover!

2012-02-03T10:18:00.000+01:00

Alright, I guess my title is a bit misleading.. since it's not a real makeover, and it's not THAT different from what I've looked like before.. but I feel good. I feel like I look ok! And I'm sure that many of you can identify with ... well, just how HUGE it is for an overweight person to feel like they look ok!

I loved all the answers you guys had on yesterday's post. It seems like most of us have our little tricks when it comes to feeling good about ourselves despite our size. Hopefully the ones that didn't feel it can pick up some of the tricks and try them out. :)

I went bowling with my friends last night, and for the first time in years I didn't have a single negative thought about my weight. Like, I'm crap at bowling because I'm so fat. Or, they're staring because I'm fat. I felt good. I laughed so much my stomach hurt, I had a wonderful time. I didn't care.

And that is just priceless.

Finding my sexy..

2012-02-02T13:22:00.000+01:00

As an overweight person, feeling sexy isn't always easy. I rarely do. One thing that makes me feel good about myself is going to the salon, and having my hair done. Colour, cut, styling. Now I'm ready for my husband to return from Korea on Wednesday. ;)

How do you make yourself feel good about yourself?

Kicking off February: two hikes in one day!

2012-02-01T14:30:00.000+01:00

I went hiking with my friend Vibeche, up to Storrinden mountain (which isn't really much of a mountain at all). When I came home I realized I wasn't done being outside for the day, so I set off for a hike down the road from where I live. Here are some pictures!

The route up to Storrinden. You've probably seen it before, it's one of the places I hike the most. It's close to home, a fair walk and great view. What more can you ask for? :) I don't have the route for my other walk, but it was just down the street where I live anyway. A few miles, just to get some more time outside. :)

The view is, like I said, amazing. I love being up here. There are planes coming in all the time too, the airport is just below the mountain. :)

This is me, enjoying the view. The handy thing about hiking with a friend is that you can actually be in some of the photos yourself! :)

I'm the hydration queen of the hiking lands! :-)

This is the view on the opposite side of the mountain.

The icy ditches are kind of cool!

Bubbles!

Icy mountain. :-)

I love icicles! I've stopped licking them though, that's for kids. :p

Drip drops!

Me, a happy hiker!

I've signed up for a map and compass class, so I can prepare to do some serious hiking. It is, after all, quite practical to be able to find your way home again.... ;)

Have a great Wednesday!

My at-home workout program!

2012-01-31T10:56:00.000+01:00

I wanted to share with you guys the workout program I've been using at home. Like I wrote about a while back, I needed to go easier on my body and not work myself completely out. And even though I tried some new things, such as spinning and step classes - I knew I had to make changes!

I made the following program that I have been doing at home:

Push-ups - 3 x max reps
Sit-ups - 3 x max reps
Lunges - 3 x 20reps per foot
Side lunges - 3 x 20reps per foot
Inner thigh lifts - 4 x 20reps per foot
Pelvic tilts - 4 x 20reps
Cork screws - 3 x max reps
Leg raises - 3 x max reps
Squats - 4 x max reps

I realize that some of these names might not mean anything to some, so I have embedded some great videos from YouTube. These skilled ladies show you not only how to do the exercises, but how to do them right! That last part is very, very important.

Don't pay too much attention to my repetitions, if you want to do a similar program you have to start at your own level - be it 5 repetitions or 50. We are all different, and have different starting points. Do not let that discourage you! Starting at a lower level will just make it all the more easy to see your progress! If I can do this, you definitely can!

Push-ups

Sit-ups

Lunges

Side lunges

Inner thigh lifts

Pelvic tilts

Cork screw

Leg raises

Squat

I hope these videos + my program will help!

Week #17 Weigh-in + goals

2012-01-30T10:45:00.000+01:00

Wooooohooo! After a few weeks of fumbling and little progress, I lost 0.7kg / 1.5lb. I am happy with that! Even more happy with it bringing me past 25 lb lost! 25 LB LOST! I can't believe I've hit that mark too! Watch out 30, I'm coming to get you!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 112.6kg / 248.2lb

Current weight: 111.9kg / 246.7lb

This week's loss: 0.7kg / 1.5lb

Total loss: 11.3kg / 25.3lb

Mostly, I'm just glad I didn't quit when the scale wasn't going my way. That is something I would have done in the past. Now, however, will the new knowledge (and endless stream of motivation), I know that if I have done well, and the scale doesn't reflect that - it means nothing. And truly, it doesn't. I made a point of that last week with my standstill. If it was impossible for me to lose weight, I would still be changing my life with exercise and healthy food. What we eat and do is reflected on the inside, your body knows even if the scale doesn't show.

Spring Chick Challenge goals:

- I will work out 4x times. Nope! But with an exam, I'm satisfied with 3x!
- I will drink 1.5L water each day Yes-ish! Sometimes more, sometimes less.
- Not exceed 1600kcal. Yes-ish! Averaging there for the week.

For my yearly goals I have made some more progress:

990 minutes exercised - 12210 to go!
104k done - 701k to go!
I have been on the wagon for over 3 months and 3 weeks!

Have a wonderful start of the week,
I sure am! :)

Finally hiking again!!!

2012-01-29T14:37:00.000+01:00

I had a fantastic trip in the Arboretum today! To log my trip via GPS, I used Endomondo. If you have a smartphone, I highly recommend it! You get a map of your trip, with speed and elevation. Lots and lots of other data too, and a nerd like me loves that stuff! Here's my map:

I absolutely love the Arboretum, it is my paradise. Here are some of the pictures from today, hope you enjoy them!

Frozen lake!

My shadow! :D

Self-portrait! :D

My friend snapped my picture. :)

Frozen!

I love how the ice blurs out the bottom!

The little cottage. :)

The fjord!

Pine trees!

Love!

I love this little flower, growing in all the mountain cracks here!

Frozen lake and rocks!

Icicles!

As you can see I've had a fantastic day,
and I hope you did too! ♥

Breaking good habits, and then picking them up again!

2012-01-28T11:29:00.001+01:00

So I had my exam yesterday... I was tested in "English language use", in other words: grammar. I've always been fairly good in memorizing things, and I had gotten the rules down before going there. I just struggled with applying them properly. My main problem was identifying noun types. Is the noun singular? Plural? Both? Irregular? Collective? Countable? Uncountable? It's confusing. Anyway, that's the reason why I haven't been a good supporter and commented as much as I'd like - I hope you understand! The exam went well, and I believe I only had one mistake. That cost me the A, but also means I should get a B.. so that's good.

Because of the studying, I've had to set aside my usual amount of exercise for this week. That doesn't mean I'm not going, I just don't have time to spend 2+ hours at the gym. I do, however, squeeze in 45 minutes here and there, plus some walks. Such as this one:

Walking in the snow? Not a problem! What was a problem, though, was the ice hidden beneath it. ;) Ah well, I got up the mountain and home again without too much effort.

Sorry for the poor pictures, they were taken with my phone. This is from the top. :)

Oh and one other thing.. Monday I went out to eat with my friend Andreas.. Guess what we had for dinner? Yeah baby! It was delicious! And don't worry, it was tracked and exercised for!

Now I need to pick myself up from the lack of exercise and easy food solutions. It's always after I break my habits I find it hard to keep trucking... but, I really want to see a loss on Monday, after my very irregular results lately. I'll hit the gym today and tomorrow, and have my fingers crossed!

Is losing weight like studying for an exam?

2012-01-27T13:39:00.000+01:00

I've been studying so hard lately, trying to cram grammar into my head. I have a studying technique that I've used since high school: I study a subject, then I put my books away, and try to write down as much as I can remember. With grammar rules and such it's a great way to memorize things. Slowly, and steadily, I learn more and more.

In the beginning I will make a lot of mistakes. I will mix things up, learn something and then confuse myself so I forget it. I might only remember a few names. I'll get frustrated. Feel that it's all hopeless, pointless even. Then I go back and study some more. Work harder. Again, I try to write down what I know. I can see that I'm learning more for each time. I start to think, maybe there's hope? Maybe I can actually pull this off?

28 sheets of paper later, I have memorized all the rules, all the examples, all the definitions - everything. I know that when I walk into my exam tomorrow I can reproduce it and use it as a reference for myself in solving the assignments. I am confident that I know what I'm doing. I can physically feel that I know this. I got this!

How does it relate to weight loss?

We learn things. Try to apply them. Fail. Get frustrated. Go back to the start. Get further each time. Keep learning, keep adjusting, keep going forward. I don't know how many sheets of paper it will take me to lose this weight, but I have endless supplies. And this is the attitude I try to apply in all areas of my life, be it school, work, weight loss, fitness.


The :) face is my first "test", the one to the right is everything I need to know.

Trying new foods: Baked cod!

2012-01-26T16:22:00.000+01:00

I have always wanted to eat more fish. It's cheap, healthy, low on calories... Living on the west coast of Norway, I have access to all sorts of fresh fish - and it's a shame that I don't take advantage of that. I'm planning to make some changes though, and making up a new recipe with baked cod will be my first step!

Oven-baked cod, with green beans fried with bacon, home made mash potatoes on the side. Sounds pretty decent does it not? Even though it's FISH!

I've baked the cod in the oven. I just put it in a pan with some butter and it pretty much did itself. Then I fried some slices of bacon, and put them on a paper towel to get some of the excess fat away - and to make them crisp (most important!). I then fried the green beans in the remaining bacon fat, on high temperatures. I boiled some potatoes, and mashed them with butter, milk, some salt and nutmeg.

I think I will make this dish again, but I'm going to swap the cod for pollock (is that what you call it?), and fry that in a pan as well! Still a bit proud to have made up a "new" dish though, with FISH in it!

Do you have any good fish recipes?

Trying new vegetables: green beans!

2012-01-25T14:02:00.000+01:00

Yes, I am well aware that these aren't exactly exotic or something like that - but they are new to me. I've never imagined them to be good, I mean.. how could they possibly be good? Green stalks? Ick! I was quite surprised to discover that they are really tasty! I'm not even saying that just to pretend I'm a vegetable girl, because I'm not...

I sliced up the beans, baby corn (is it even called that?), orange sweet bell pepper, carrot and water chestnut. I stir-fried it with rapeseed oil (do you call it canola oil?) and threw in a solid handful of cashew nuts towards the end. I had pre fried a chicken breast that I added too (leftovers). I boiled Jasmin rice (or my rice cooker did, rather) and made a curry sauce. The sauce is basically just milk, water, flour, a pinch of salt and a lot of curry powder. This will give me two dinners and that plate you see in the middle is less than 500 calories ! I don't think that's bad at all!

Thumbs up on green beans!

NSV: Pants!

2012-01-24T12:10:00.000+01:00

I bought a pair of workout pants a few days ago. They were a size smaller than the ones I've had to buy before, and I was dreading trying them on, because they were supposed to be pants to work towards. And what do you know, not only did they fit - they fit with room to spare. I guess that goes to show that I've gotten somewhat smaller. Hooray!

If you didn't catch my post about the support system group yesterday, have a look at it here! The group now has 40 members - can you believe it?? It is just fantastic, and there is room for you too! I am so very happy that my blogging friends find this worthwhile. Offering support and receiving it is crucial!

Now I'm off to the gym to burn burn burn!

I have a crazy idea: support system!

2012-01-23T20:46:00.000+01:00

I feel this blog universe is an endless stream of support.. What I miss is the possibility to communicate more .. 'dynamically'. We leave comments for each other, and then either jump back and forth with possible replies, or leave a reply that the commenter don't pick up. I don't know how many of you are friends on Facebook already, but I have an idea.

I've made a group, which is set to "secret". It's invisible, so no one would know you're in it. It would enable us to communicate through the wall, having a bit more effortless communication. Not to replace the blogs of course, but to compliment them, rather. We wouldn't have to add loads of "random" people to our own accounts, and you wouldn't have to share it with people from your "real life".

I've called it the Mt. Flab Support System, sounds fancy huh! :)

A borrowed logo. ;)

Maybe some of you are thinking that this is for me, my blog and my own glory... but it's not about me. Well, not in any other regard than me reaching out to you guys. I want to be able to support you even more. And of course, the support will help me too. It's a win win for those of you already on facebook. Sometimes when we're in a funk or otherwise struggling, it's hard to compose a blog post explaining how we feel. Maybe shouting out on the group wall or in group chat makes the turnaround easier? I hope so. Either way it's just meant to be a positive thing.

Since it's a secret group, you can't find it by search. So add me on facebook (or just poke me) and I'll add you to the group. I sincerely hope to find at least some of you there shortly. ♥

Do you think it's a good idea? Please be honest, because if no one wants to be a part of it, there's really no point. I just got the idea and went with it. :)

Week #16 Weigh-in + goals + measurements

2012-01-23T11:14:00.000+01:00

When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was surprised..... Initially it showed that I was 167kg (368lb).. which is a gain of 54,4kg (120lb). Assuming that I hadn't gained that in a week, I decided to change batteries... ;-) As it turned out, I had maintained for a week. I'm absolutely fine with that. I work out very hard, I eat well, the scale will follow. I think it's important to ask yourself if you wouldn't have wanted a better health, if it was impossible to lose weight? That is my primary goal, but getting fit, and having a healthy inside is also very important to me. Regardless of the standstill I know I have taken steps towards that this week - and that means something to me!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 112.6kg / 248.2lb

Current weight: 112.6kg / 248.2lb

This week's loss: 0kg / 0lb

Total loss: 10.6kg / 23.8lb

Last week I set some new goals for week three of the Spring Chick Challenge. I have some goals that span over the entire challenge, and some are weekly. For me, I'll carry these over week by week, because this is what I need to do to make the progress I want. These were my focus points, and will be for week four:

- I will work out 4x times. Yes!
- I will drink 1.5L water each day Yes-ish! Sometimes more, sometimes less.
- Not exceed 1600kcal. Yes-ish! Averaging there for the week.

- Lose 2lb. Not even close. ;)

For my yearly goals I have made some more progress:

773 minutes exercised - 12427 to go!
87.3k done - 717.7k to go!
I have been on the wagon for over 3 months and 2 weeks!

I think by these results I will mark week 16 "approved"! I was in a funk last week, but got myself out of it. Of course I would have preferred a loss this week, but I am happy with my efforts and I know that this will happen some weeks. I'm continuing strong!

Keep going!

A peak into my gym!

2012-01-22T14:40:00.001+01:00

I went to the gym today, and decided to take some snapshots to give you a tiny peak into what I do there. It's become a place where I feel comfortable now, despite the past situations that were more than slightly uncomfortable. Fact is, people will be people, and some people are mean. I can't let that hinder me in becoming who I want to be.
And I want to be strongggggg!

Okay, so the first picture is a cheat. This is taken by my cousin last weekend, when we went there together. Clearly, I can't take a picture like this myself. :p Anyway, I just wanted to share it again, mostly because I look crazy and that's always fun!

This is me on the rowing machine! The sun was in my eyes and I cast this shadow on the wall. I started competing with my own shadow about who would hit 3k first - I'm sure it was me!! I guess it would have been me either way, eh... :p

This is my foot and the shadow of my head on the leg press machine. I do two kinds of exercises here, the regular "squat" and a "sumo squat". The latter is killer for my thighs and butt, I'm positive that that's what I owe the inches lost on my thighs to ;)

This is me on the ab machine, trying to snap myself in the mirror across the floor. I guess you can just barely see that it's me - but it is, I promise. ;)

These two pictures show you the result of all my strength training. It's hard to tell I suppose, but my skin cracks. Literally, it just cracks. I use lotions so many times a day I can't even count it, but at the gym.. this happens. I can feel it as I grip the handle bars and try to pull up/down. The top picture isn't as bad as it usually gets, thankfully. Cracks like the bottom one I have on 6 of 10 fingers today.

Worth it?

Totally!!

You can actually see a bicep forming now, I feel stronger. Getting stronger physically is helping me feel strong emotionally .. and I don't ever want to feel weak again!

Is Coke Zero the devil??

2012-01-21T15:44:00.000+01:00

In my opinion: no.

I have read hundreds of articles about these horrible, horrible drinks. They will make you fat, give you cancer, and make your teeth fall out. My teeth are fine, and as for cancer.. I am skeptical. Granted, we don't know. But I remember growing up and being warned against all sorts of things that would cause cancer. I talked to my doctor about this, and her take on it was this: the suggested daily intake of aspartame (in Europe) is 40 milligrams per kilo of body weight. This equals 14 cans for a normal person. I am nowhere near that intake.

As for it preventing my weight loss, my opinion is a firm NO. Diet soda might make you want to snack, but by tracking my food - that's not an issue. I don't binge, I don't eat sweets. As long as you stay on top of your calorie intake, the diet soda won't be preventing you in any way. My doctor even advised me to have a glass of diet coke rather than one with sugar, if I really had to have any to begin with. For me, it's what stops me from snacking. Which is ironic, since it's supposed to make you snack non stop.

This is my opinion, and I'm sure others disagree (even to the point of sending hateful e-mails). That's fine! Fortunately, I can still do whatever I want. What I don't appreciate is people telling me that I don't care about my health if I drink coke zero, that I don't really want to lose weight, that I will get cancer and die. I just enjoy a glass of coke zero, that's all!

What's your take on diet drinks?

Accusations (?)

2012-01-20T12:06:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I wrote about simple, but important, fat math. My intentions were to help people that find themselves stressing out over small (or big) gains on the scale, realising that it takes more than one slip to gain 1lb of fat - or more. Please share that information with people you see are struggling with the scale, it's really, really important. Most of the feedback was wonderful, and then there was this email, anonymous of course.

U should practise what u preach too cos u seem to panic urself sometimes.... and its not like u hold all the info and know it all cos then ur blog would be popular and ud be skinny.

Now I'm not even going to make a guess at why this person feels slighted. Haters gonna hate, right? What I'd like to address is the "you should practise what you preach" part.

When it comes to weight loss, we pretty much all know how. It's not that we lack the skills or the knowledge about how to lose weight, we simply can't follow up. There are tons of reasons, lack of motivation, external influences, 'poor' willpower.. the list goes on. Having the knowledge is one thing, following through is another. Show me one single person that hasn't fallen into that trap throughout life - I mean, why are we fat to begin with? Did we not know that the food was unhealthy? That we made poor choices?

I'm not the holder of all truths, but the fat math is pretty basic. Sharing those simple numbers does not go against me "practising what I preach". Granted, I had my moments of panic upon starting this journey - I was afraid to fail myself again. I've been down this road a thousand times, and I've always failed. At some point I found peace, because I realised that its' not a matter of if, but when. If I don't believe in myself, what's the point? I don't have a crystal ball, I can't read the future. I do what I can, every day - and it's been working so far. My point is this: We all need to find some sort of peace on this journey. We have to believe that we can, otherwise we won't. The fat math was one tiny piece of that puzzle. Take it or leave it. :)

Don't pay any attention, keep strutting along. :D

Simple, but important, fat math.

2012-01-19T15:03:00.001+01:00

I see people panicking over a 4lb gain, having weighed themselves two days earlier and getting a completely different result. People coming back from holidays, or even binges, with a 8lb gain in a week. People. Breathe!

One pound = 3500 calories. This means that in order to show a true 4lb gain, you need to have eaten 3500 x 4 = 14 000 in excess calories. That means on top of what your body needs to function. For an 8lb gain it would be 28 000 excess calories. Clearly, you haven't done that. If you have, then fine, you are allowed to throw a fit. But if you've eaten moderately more than usual, you have no reason to freak out.

So why does the scale have big bumps? Who the hell knows! There are so many different reasons why. Water retention is possible, from exercise, salty foods, etc. The amount of food in your stomach and bowels will have an impact. The simple truth is this: without a surplus of calories, you haven't gained fat. That's not meant to work as an excuse, it's not always water weight or bloating, but no one gains 4lb in two days. Simple solution:

Track your food.
Weigh yourself once a week tops.

The tracking ensures you that you won't gain weight. This is simple math. If you stick to your plan (and don't eat too little!), you will not gain weight. Then, if you find a gain of +.4 lb, you can calmly move on to next week, knowing that your scale could might as well have showed a -.4lb. These minor fluctuations happen from day to day. If you haven't had a weekly surplus of at least 3500 calories, you haven't gained 1lb of fat. As simple as that.

Find a way to look at the bigger picture.
Trust your diet.
Track.

http://fitnessachievement.com/3500-calories-1-pound-of-fat

Some days.. food sucks.

2012-01-18T11:58:00.002+01:00

I have eaten horribly today. After waking up too late, I didn't have time for breakfast. Come lunch I was so hungry that I "had to" buy whatever they had in the cafeteria at school. Needless to say .. it wasn't healthy. As if that wasn't enough, I'm going out with friends from school tonight. Almost my entire class actually. We're going to dinner, and then to a party. I've opted not to drink (I rarely do), and although that saves me a lot of calories...... I've already spent almost my entire daily "budget", and I still got that dinner to go.

Okay, so what happens now? Do I melt down and panic? Is everything ruined and I'll be fat forever? Probably not. I'll go to the dinner. Eat. Enjoy. Tomorrow is a new day, and it'll be a day that food doesn't win over me again. Not from poor choices or bad planning. I can do better! I've proved it repeatedly during the past 15 weeks.

My gran told me years ago: "You haven't lost before you're dead". And I ain't dead yet!

(PS! I burnt 1011kcal in the gym last night, and I will make sure to burn 1012 tomorrow ;))

Norwegian cuisine: fish balls!

2012-01-17T13:02:00.000+01:00

Are you asking yourself - do fish have balls? The answer is in any case no. They do not. The kind of balls I'm talking about are made out of ground fish paste. Sounds bad? I promise it's not! In all honesty it's my favourite dish *ever*!

Mmmmmmm!!!

Mostly we buy the fish balls ready made, but if you want to you can make them yourself - and then they're even better. Here's the recipe if anyone is bold enough to try it:

500g cod fillets
3dl cream (or 300g cottage cheese if you want low cal)
2 eggs
1 tbs salt
1 tbs pepper
1 spoon potato flour

Remove any remaining bones from the fillets, and put everything except the cream (or cottage cheese) in a food processor. Run it! Then add the cream when it's a solid paste, a little by little. Use a spoon dipped in cold water to shape the balls. Let them simmer in a lightly salted water, or fish stock in 10-12 minutes. These are freezable.

As you can see from the picture I make a white sauce with these balls. That's made of butter, flour, milk, salt, pepper, a pinch of nutmeg and the fish stock from the ready made balls, or what you used to boil them with. I add the fish balls towards the end. Boil potatoes, grate carrots and fry bacon. Some people put curry in the sauce, I prefer to sprinkle some on mine. Some eat it without curry at all!

Have you ever tried fish balls in white sauce,

or any other Norwegian cuisine?

Week #15 Weigh-in + goals + measurements

2012-01-16T11:04:00.000+01:00

Alrighty! After a gain last week I was eager to get back on track. Not only did I lose the gain from last week, but more! Needless to say, I am quite happy about it!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 113.8kg / 250.8lb

Current weight: 112.6kg / 248.2lb

This week's loss: 1.2kg / 2.6lb

Total loss: 10.6kg / 23.8lb

I've also done my measurements again, and since my monthly measuring in December I have lost 9cm! That equals 3.5inches! In a month! Making my grand total 42cm / 16.5inches lost in 15 weeks. Now that is something to be proud of!

Last week I set some new goals for week two of the Spring Chick Challenge. I have some goals that span over the entire challenge, and some are weekly. For me, I'll carry these over week by week, because this is what I need to do to make the progress I want. These were my focus points:

- I will work out 4x times. Yes!
- I will drink 1.5L water each day Yes-ish!
- Not exceed 1600kcal. Yes-ish!

- Lose 2lb. Yessss, 2.6 even!

For my yearly goals I have made some more progress:

540 minutes exercised - 12979 to go!
67.7k done - 737.3k to go!
I have been on the wagon for over 3 months!

I think by these results I will definitely mark week 15 a success! I was in a funk, but snapped out of it. The only reason I did it was determination, and making preparations. Cutting up vegetables, preparing lunches ahead of time.

Planning is key!

And tracking is the mother of all keys.

I'm in it to win it.

2012-01-15T15:17:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure if that's a reasonable way to look at weight loss, since you never really "finish". I've read so much about how maintenance is the hardest part.. but honestly, I can't spend my time worrying about something that will appear in the future.

What I'm focusing on now is getting to that point. And for some reason, I have so much faith in myself! Not only that I can, but I will. Where does that kind of confidence come from? I wish I found it years ago, but I'll take it from here and run with it!

I've worked out hard this weekend with cousin, getting in several hours at the gym. I've made good choices, and we haven't had any candy or sweets or anything like that. We have, however, been out to dinner twice. Despite that, I'm excited about tomorrow's weight in. Not nervous in the slightest. Maybe because I know that I'm in this for the long run, and even if there is a gain here and there, I'll get there. I had a gain last week, and that should make me desperate and anxious for a loss this week.. But I know that with my eating and exercise, I am healthier this week than the last - no matter what the scale says! I'll be thrilled with a loss, and a gain will make me work harder. Simple as that!

How do you guys feel about weigh-ins?

Is it awful? Motivational??

Weekend off?

2012-01-14T12:05:00.000+01:00

My cousin and her boyfriend for 5 years has recently broken up, in fact he dumped her in the cruelest fashion. So I got her down for the weekend to get away, and to have some fun. Does that mean I'm not working out? Hell no! We've been busting our asses in the gym, and she pushes me to the limit. We did 2 hours yesterday and I was absolutely exhausted afterwards. She even took my picture!

I look spooked!

Now we're going shopping, because retail therapy is allegedly very good! I haven't been able to read as many blogs as I can, because she needs to talk a lot - and naturally that's my priority. I will play catch up when she leaves tomorrow. Before that I want to say thank you for the well wishes for my father, I hope they kick in and help him feel better!

Shopping is due! Have a great weekend!

Let me tell you about my father.

2012-01-13T11:14:00.006+01:00

Firstly, let me comment on yesterday's post about the craziest things people have told me since I started losing weight. I never take it to heart. I know that sounds unlikely, and not all people can do it... but I don't. I've been bullied about my weight my entire life, and at some point you have to choose to believe the bullies and look at yourself as something horrible... or you can choose not to, and love yourself anyway. That's what I did. The only critic that hurts me, is me. I beat myself down, and that hurts. Whatever other people say is sincerely just comic relief. People are stupid, and always will be. We should all hold our heads high.

A while back, wonderful Kristen, the Preppy Girl in Pink, wrote about how she is a crazy sports mom. It made me think back to my teens, and more specifically about my father being a crazy sports dad.

My father and I, 1985.

My father had a difficult childhood. Without disclosing too much, there was a lot of abuse, both physical and mental. While growing up I had no idea about this, although I realized that his reactions sometimes were unreasonable. Let it be clear, he never laid a hand on me or my siblings, nor did he treat us poorly, but his mood was very unpredictable. Upon learning about his upbringing, it all made sense. As the years passed and he met my step-mother, he changed. He was happy, and seemed to have put the past to rest.

When I was growing up I played a few different sports, and he came to every single practice and every single match. Without exception, he was there. He was yelling and jumping and cheering and commanding me.. I was 13-14-15 at the time and was deeply embarrassed. Upset and angry even. He spent so much time driving me to my games, giving me feedback, bragging about me (even though I was the worst player on the team - by far).

Summer of 1986

Now, looking back at that time in my life, I feel so blessed to have had a father being there like that - cheering for me. And I wish so profoundly that he was healthy enough to do the same for my siblings. He is very sick now, because of his PKD (poly-cystic kidney disease), and I miss him dearly every day (I live far away). I wish that his life was without pain and agony. I wish that he could enjoy his hobbies. I wish that he could sleep at night. I wish he didn't have paralyzing headaches because of the high blood pressure caused by the disease. I wish that the organ transplant rules here didn't say that his kidney capacity has to be 10% or less before he can have a transplant. I wish that I won't turn out to have this disease and that I am a match and can make him better. I wish that he didn't have to get a whole lot sicker before he is allowed to get better. It infuriates me.

At my wedding - doing "our frown". ♥

Most of all I wish that I was 14 again and appreciated him more. Had I known then what I know now, I would have been better. We have a fantastic relationship now, I call him every single day to check up on him. He and my husband are the best of friends, and never fail to team up on me when we're there. I send him random things in the mail, knitted socks, I draw for him and sign it with "Maren 26 1/2 years old", I send him treats and even jokes. I just have a lot of fear that it will all end before it should.

The craziest things people have told me since I started losing weight!

2012-01-12T15:53:00.003+01:00

You all know it - people say the weirdest things to others trying to lose weight. Not always with bad intentions, but it still comes out pretty wrong. Sometimes it doesn't even sound bad, just uneducated and funny. Other times it's plain discriminatory! Here are some of the best (worst??) things I people have told me since I started losing weight (years ago, I just never succeeded :p)!

You look fatter than you are.
It's impossible to lose weight without eating broccoli.
Binging regularly is good for your metabolic system, it shocks it into overdrive.
What if your butt fat could be moved to your boobs instead??
Wouldn't it be better if they made planes for fat people with huge seats??
You can't possibly eat enough vegetables?
Have you tried exercising more?
Maybe a priest could exorcise your food addiction or something!
Don't you ever think about the kids in Africa??
I've heard that you can burn calories exercising, try that!
Yeah I can totally see why you're too fat to wear a dress.
Aren't you afraid your fat will smother your organs in your sleep? I saw it on tv!
Dr.Pepper?? I think you need another kind of doctor!!
Everyone knows that fat people aren't as hygienic as others...

And lastly, my favourite: If you weren't so fat, you'd be really hot! ;) Please, please, please share whatever stupid comments you've heard, and let's laugh at these jerks together. :)

How am I turning this around?

2012-01-11T11:56:00.000+01:00

After announcing here that I've been struggling for the past week - and my gain from last week's weigh in - I got some great tips on how to turn things around. Most of them were mental/emotional advice, and I am taking it all to heart. Today I feel at ease with my plan, because I sat down last night and wrote a list. I planned this week's meals, I planned my exercise, my studying and my "lazy time". Now I don't feel stressed out at all, I'm just going to do whatever is on the list!

Also, I did some practical things. I bought food for the entire week, so I don't need to stop by the shop and then "accidentally" buy something I shouldn't. And I did this:

Not a very good picture, but you get it!

Peeled and sliced pear!

Having healthy snacks available in the fridge helps me, and is absolutely necessary for my weight loss. The carrots are measured, so I just add them to my daily log whenever I grab a bag. Doesn't get much easier than that! I also made a very low cal garlic dressing from scratch, and I will be feasting on it with some amazing chicken salads!

Making garlic dressing!

The garlic dressing is very simple. I use a low fat sour cream as base. You can use other substitutes that you prefer. It's all measured by eye and tasted, so you'll have to test these ingredients yourself. So, sour cream, light mayo, lemon juice, 2-3 cloves of garlic, a pinch of pepper and fresh chives. You can use dried chives, or even basil. Let it stand over night and then enjoy!

Final thing I did to turn my funk around was to get my ass to that gym! There is no way around it, so just do it! It sucks getting off the couch, but I have never regretted going (apart from the time I got my period while working out and had to rush home - but that doesn't count!!!). Today I did:

20 minutes elliptical = 2k

17 minutes biking = 5k

11 minutes rowing = 2k

Grand total: 9.4k and 546kcal burnt!

Come on ladies - we can do this!

My very first body scan!

2012-01-10T13:20:00.001+01:00

A while back I went to see a personal trainer to have her help me set up an exercise routine. I want to lose fat and gain muscle, and she has the skills to help me further on that mission! Today, I went there to have a body scan. Being obese makes body scans something you dread, because it will be a very concrete feedback on just how fat you are! Strangely enough, it was a very uplifting experience. She gave me the first one for free, but the following five will cost me $200. Worth it? Totally!

The highest BMI I can remember calculating was 44. That is a lot. Today I measured in at 37.7, so I am definitely getting somewhere with my efforts! Here are some key numbers:

Weight: 112.7kg / 248.5lb (I'm sticking with my weight at home, which is almost +1kg) Goal: 75kg / 165lb (not super important)
Body fat: 44.5%. Goal: 27% (super important)
Body fat mass: 50.1kg / 110.5lb. Goal: 23.2kg / 51lb
Muscle mass: 59.4kg / 131lb. Desired range is 41.3-52.3, so I am better!!
BMI: 37.7. Goal: 25
Metabolic age: 41

My personal trainer was very "good" about discussing these numbers with me. She didn't make me feel awkward or bad, she just said that we need to address these numbers. She praised me a lot for my muscle mass, because it is considered to be very muscular. All those hours lifting weights... paying off! Did I cry a bit in the car? I sure did. I am getting somewhere with this! I am muscular! I AM MUSCULAR!!!

Other things that were measured on this body scan were:

Basal metabolic rate: 1980kcal. This means that if I sit still for 24h, this is what my body needs to keep going. We talked about how I exercise regularly, and her suggestion for a healthy weight loss that I eat 1700kcal on my workout days, and 1500kcal for my rest days. She told me to avoid going under 1500, because my body needs fuel
Visceral fat: 9. This is also known as organ fat or intra-abdominal fat. 9 is a normal number, which is surprising considering how overweight I am. She was very pleased with it, and said that it would probably decrease even more with weight loss, but it is in the normal range. Yay!
Water: I have too little water tied in my body, but a lot that is "running free". She explained that as the muscles are able to retain water, fat cells can not. So as my body fat decreases, and my muscle mass increases, these numbers will get better.

There is a scale range that defines how the muscles in my body are divided on the different parts. -2--4 is considered low, -1-+1 is considered normal, and +2-+4 is considered high. Here are my numbers, which are very good!

Upper body: +3
Left arm: +2
Right arm: +1 (surgery arm)
Left leg: +2
Right leg: +2

To summarize. I am an overweight and very muscular person. My aim is to reduce body fat and increase muscle mass. I want to lose a lot of body fat, but I have no exact number on the scale I am working for. I have set 75kg because it is the highest number with a BMI of 25, but as we know - even that scale isn't to live and die by. When gaining muscle, I can weigh 10kgs too much according to that scale, but still be fit and healthy. Thus, what really matters in the long run is measurements, clothes sizes and feeling good in my own skin! That is truly the most important thing!

The scale doesn't hold the ultimate truth!

Take a body scan if you can! :)

Week #14 Weigh-in + goals

2012-01-09T10:26:00.000+01:00

Alright. Let's just get through this week's weigh in and get it into the past. ;)

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 113.2kg / 249.5lb

Current weight: 113.8kg / 250.8lb

This week's loss: +0.6kg / +1.3lb

Total loss: 9.4kg / 21.2lb

Last week I set some goals for week one of the Spring Chick Challenge. I have some goals that span over the entire challenge, and some are weekly. These were my focus points:

- I will work out 5x times. Failed (did 4 though!)

- I will drink 1.5L water each day, and not exceed 1600kcal. Failed

- Lose 2lb, and to do that I need to track *everything* Failed

I guess looking at my goals like this says it all, huh. I did not do a very good job. I've been feeling like I was in a bit of a funk, but I'm getting out of that now. I drank decent amounts of water most days, some days nothing. Easy thing to remedy. The food intake was insane, and it won't happen again this week. I didn't lose 2lb, but I will do my best to get there this week. I will also make time to exercise, but my goal will be 4 times next week.

For my yearly goals I have made some progress, and that's positive!

221 minutes exercised - 12979 to go!
41.8k done - 763.2k to go!
I have been on the wagon for over 3 months!

In other words, I am taking the same goals with me into the coming week, and this time I'll nail them!!! I also wanted to thank you for all the wonderful support you have shown me, it has been fantastic!

Here's the bottom line: I messed up this week. But I will not mess up next week. As easy as that!

I've been bad!

2012-01-08T11:48:00.001+01:00

Yes I have. I've been a bad girl this week. For some reason I've found it hard to get to the gym as often as I'd like, and I haven't eaten as well as I'd like. Why? Not sure I have a good reason. School started again with all the stress that brings, but that's really just an excuse. I feel like I'm moving in the wrong direction, with a lot of unplanned indulgences.

I am going to stop myself in the track and turn around!

I can't afford to slip back into my old ways. I have come to far to mess it all up now. So I'm stopping. Going back to the "basics", and I will track better than I have. I've found that when I indulge I skip tracking those things because I sort of know that they will be bad. Staying in the dark never helped anyone lose weight, so enough of that!

Tomorrow is the first weigh-in where it's impossible to avoid a gain, and that's ok. No excuses. Just a refill of motivation and drive. I refuse to let myself set myself up for failure. I've learned this week that going off track/plan makes me feel like crap, physically and emotionally. There's really no point in going backwards!

No more!

How do you make yourself get back on track??

I was tagged!! :D

2012-01-07T11:09:00.000+01:00

The gorgeous Cyn tagged me, and now I'll be sharing 11 things about myself, as well as answering 11 questions from her. I will then try to tag 11 people as well. :) Earlier I have written about things I have done and 10 things about me.

11 things about myself (that you might not know!)

I absolutely hate mushrooms. Ick!
I have three tattoos, and an expansion of #3 is my half-way weight loss prize!
I've never pierced anything, not even my ears. Tattoos are fine, piercing is scary!
I love gangster/action/drama/thrillers, such as Taken, The Departed, The Road to Perdition, Public Enemy, Shooter, State of Play, Law Abiding Citizen, Michael Clayton, The Mechanic. I also love stuff like Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, The Bank Job etc. Fantastic!
I am a list-o-holic. I make lists and charts over EVERYTHING. My mother used to tease me saying that I have some sort of ocd, because I often colour code things..
At one point I was so addicted to junk food I would sneak out to buy it, drive detours to get it, hide the garbage in the bin.. It was pretty pathetic.
I love to play computer games. Mostly historically based real time strategy games, building civilizations and such. I've found it to be a great "escape" from the real world at times. Now, I barely have time to play anymore, but I still love it.
I have a love relationship with cucumbers. I eat at least one whole cucumber a day, most of the time a lot more. I snack on them, use them with food, on bread.. LOVE cucumbers!
I love to sleep in, my I refuse to give myself that pleasure anymore. I could easily sleep until 11am, 1pm .. no problem. I just feel like it takes away so much from my day that I can't do it. I actually get a guilty conscience if I do!
I love to cook. Absolutely love it. I'm very passionate about it, and will get crabby if I mess up the meal in a way. I'm blessed with a husband that loves most foods and love trying new things, so I should really do that more often!
One of the most embarrassing memories I have was from my 20th birthday, when some of my friends teamed up and bought me a HUGE dildo. It was wrapped nicely and I opened it in front of a LOT of people .. someone snapped my reaction:

This is me, embarrassed! :p

The 11 questions I had to answer:
1. what is your middle name & the story behind it?
I don't really have a middle name. I was given my father's surname at birth, and when he and my mother got a divorce I added her surname as a middle name. When I got married I wanted my husband's name, so now my two previous surnames are middle names I guess. ;)

2. what is the best concert/show you have ever been to?
Without a doubt - Bruce Springsteen, here in Bergen, Norway. My father has always been a pretty rabid Bruce Springsteen fan, and when he came here in 2010 I managed to get us tickets. I love Springsteen too, mostly because I grew up with him, and it reminds me of my dad - and it was a GREAT experience. Never seen my dad so emotional. :)

3. favorite perfume/body spray?
Uhh.. I have a Hugo Boss perfume but I have no idea what it's called. XX I think?

4. would you ever have plastic surgery & if so what would you have done?
Yes, I would. In fact, I am counting on it. After I lose this weight there will be a lot of excess skin, and I'd really prefer to get rid of it. Not solely because I am vain, but because of hygiene as well.

5. what is your biggest fear?
I'm not sure.. I used to be terrified of the dentist, but my current one uses gas, so now that's not an issue anymore. I think it's losing loved ones, but that goes for everyone I guess?

6. who do think is the most annoying celebrity right now?
Oh, where to begin. Obviously I have a lot of Norwegian celebrities that you guys won't even know, but international ones.. Kiera Knightley (or how she spells it), .. she is a terrible actress, always with that same frown. Also, anyone that's famous for no reason, such as the Kardashians and Paris Hilton.

7. who is the funniest person you know?
My husband. I guess that's a boring answer since you don't know him. Oh and my grandmother, she is totally rude and I love it!

8. favorite disney princess?
Neither, I was never into princesses. I loved Todd&Copper. ;)

9. someone(other than spouse/partner) that just melts your butter big time?

10. favorite form of exercise?
Any kind of cardio with loud music!

11. what is your dream profession?
That's a very good question. In many ways it's being a teacher because it changes lives directly, but it's also hard. So many kids struggle in their lives, and that's a daunting challenge to face. Long hours and a pathetic pay, I guess it has to be a calling. Other than that I would have loved to be a therapist and/or nutritionist. :)

I'm going to be a total party pooper and not tag anyone, quite simply because I am running soooo late to a social day with my group of friends. Bad excuse, I know I know! At least I made sure to get my workout in before going there, so there's that!! :)

Have a fantastic Saturday!

Quick update: victorious gym post!

2012-01-06T18:21:00.001+01:00

Remember that very overweight lady that nearly cried over the abuse at the gym? Well I ran into her today as I came to the gym, and I sort of felt I had to talk to her. We were the only ones downstairs and I climbed on the elliptical next to her. I commented on there being very little people present, in contrast to the other night.. So we got talking and she was super sweet! We agreed that that guy was a jerk, and that we wouldn't quit because of the likes of him. After that we had a killer workout together, chatting, panting and laughing! Look at what we did!

30 minutes elliptical = 3.1k

20 minutes treadmill = 2.2k

18 minutes biking = 5k

10 minutes rowing = 1.5k

Grand total: 11.8k and 921kcal burnt!!!

Fat chicks 1 - thin jerks 0!!!

Re yesterday: Are fat people evil too?

2012-01-06T12:13:00.000+01:00

Re my post yesterday about why some fit/skinny people are evil - Deanna had some thoughts on it. More specifically she had thoughts about being crabby lately, and feeling jealous of skinny people that can eat whatever they want etc. This got me thinking!

I have thought similar things about people in my life! I see friends of mine that are so skinny, and yet they eat everything and anything. I know I have to come to terms with living in my own body, and that we are all different so they can do things I can't etc.. but it does make me jealous! I bust my butt off in the gym and eat super healthy, sometimes being rewarded with a -0.1 loss. Then I see my one friend that hasn't exercised since 1999 (seriously), eating brownies for dessert, posting pictures of cakes and hot chocolate on her Facebook page every other day... I have seen her diet and it's shocking. And still, she is thin and fit as a fiddle. It's not so much that I want to eat all these things the she can eat, but I envy the opportunities she has. I have to fight to lose weight, and it's honestly an uphill battle, and she just eats whatever and it's all good. It makes me feel like the world is unfair, and that metabolism wasn't distributed evenly. Sometimes I've felt angry with them. Even resentment. I never voice my opinions, but I think it all the time. But does that make it better? Just because I don't say anything, am I better than the two people at my gym yesterday? I don't have the answer here, I'd just like to hear your thoughts.

Rant: Why are some fit/skinny people evil??

2012-01-05T11:48:00.000+01:00

At the gym, I overheard this conversation. I promise that every single word following is the absolute truth, although it sounds crazy and unbelievable. The scenario is a packed gym, with all the "resolutionists", including a handfull of very overweight/obese people (such as myself). In walks a very muscular and fit man, roughly 30 years old, and his super fit girlfriend. They are standing at the counter, discussing memberships.

Fit man: Ugh, is it normally this crowded here??
Gym staff: Not really, it'll probably slow down come February.
Fit man: Do all these fucking fat people disappear then too?? (spoken loudly)
Gym staff: Uhh.... excuse me???
Fit man: I hate working out having to look at whales, totally gross.
Fit girl: Teeee heeee heee..
Fit man: So gross!
Gym staff: This is a gym. Everyone that wants to improve their health is welcome here! I think you should take your business elsewhere, though.....

Source

This erupts into a loud discussion that continues with profanities and insults thrown our way. One of the most overweight ladies, that happened to stand closest to this, almost started crying. It was very uncomfortable to say the least. The gym staff handled it well I thought, but it was still a shocking experience. I've had people giggle at me in the gym and things like that, which is hurtful enough, but this is a whole new level of evil!!

Why are people like this? I mean, why on earth would people not only have these thoughts about others, but shout them out to shoot people down. Does it really bother fit people being in the same gym as overweight/obese people?? Why do some people think it's okay to treat others like total crap?? It is infuriating!!

No more shame.

2012-01-04T09:19:00.001+01:00

I am in awe of all your wonderful and supporting comments on my picture post yesterday. As I read it back, I can see that I am not being very nice to myself. It was how I felt while writing it though, so there's that. It's clear that we are our worst enemy when it comes to self-worth and body image when trying to lose weight. You see things in me that I can't see. But I'm going to work on changing that, and I will never quit. I feel good about myself on the inside, now I need to work on improving the outside - as well as loving myself as I am. I will never be a skinny person. But I will be in a normal weight range, I will be fit and healthy.

That's good enough!

I looked at myself in the full-length mirror this morning, in my underwear. And without thinking I tilted my head and said out loud "You're okay". Reading through your comments made me feel that. That I'm really not too bad.

Thank you.

Progress pictures......... sigh.

2012-01-03T11:16:00.000+01:00

I have been dreading the point where I was going to post progress pictures of myself. Despite having lost 10kg / 22lb now... I am not happy about how I look. Posting these pictures makes me nauseous, to the point of cold sweating. But I promised myself that this blog was going to be honest, that it was about keeping it real. I can't hide from the flab in the real world, and so I won't do that here.

Let's start with a few pictures from before I even started losing weight.

This is a horrible picture. Absolutely horrible. Makes me sick that this is me. I'm not a person with a lot of self-hate, most of the time I love myself. But seeing these pictures makes me very upset with all the poor choices from the past. This was taken in the autumn 2010.

This picture is from the summer of 2009. I felt great here. I had no idea that I was this big, I really didn't! I mean, seriously, look at those thighs! I was absolutely shocked when this picture was emailed to me from the party I was at. Floored, even. I remember that it actually made me cry.

This is the picture I'm most self-conscious about. I don't even know what to say. I truthfully feel like crying right now just by looking at it. It was taken as a starting point picture in October 2011, because I felt I needed something to look back on as I progressed further in my weight loss. I knew something had to change. Badly.

The two pictures below were taken yesterday. They represent progress pictures from 10kg / 22lb lost, and I think I can see a difference, especially on the belly? Sigh. And yes. I know I have a huge butt. I have been bullied about it throughout my entire childhood, although it's definitely at it's largest now.

So here I am. This is me. The absolute truth and horror about what I am facing. In situations like this I find myself to be my own worst enemy. I am thinking thoughts about myself that I wouldn't even dream of thinking about others. But I am working on it. It's a continuous fight, and I might lose some battles, but I'll be damned if I lose the war.

Week #13 Weigh-in

2012-01-02T12:00:00.003+01:00

After New Year's Eve and the calorie bomb we had for dinner, I was really expecting a gain. If not in actual fat, then at least because of salt/bloat. But no!!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 113.7kg / 250.7lb

Current weight: 113.2kg / 249.5lb

This week's loss: 0.5kg / 1.2lb

Total loss: 10kg / 22.5lb

This means I hit the 10kg goal one week before I was scheduled to - and I've said goodbye to the 250s - I am in the 240s!! I'm very happy - it feels like I'm making so many good choices in a row that I'm on a hot streak! I'm not going to get cocky, but I feel like I'm doing things right this time around. My weight loss confidence is better because it's like I finally realized that it's all in my hands. I am in charge!

We met our next door neighbours on New Year's Eve and it was commented that I had lost "so much weight!!". It makes me happy when other people can tell. I've been getting some compliments for it lately, and that makes me want to push even harder!

Here are my goals for the coming week:

- I will work out 5x times.

- I will drink 1.5L water each day, and not exceed 1600kcal.

- Lose 2lb, and to do that I need to track *everything*

2012 is off to a flying start!

Ready to get going?

2012-01-01T15:14:00.001+01:00

I know I am! There has been a minor setback though, in my brilliant plan of working out every day through January! I spoke with my aunt, who is a physical therapist, and she thinks the strain will be too much for my legs/knees. I'm not good at slow-paced workouts, I go full throttle all the time. So I promised to take 1-2 resting days a week. Am I stressing about the setback? Nah. Working out 5-6 days a week is more than enough to lose weight, and to increase my fitness level. I'm not willing to risk getting an injury that would put me on the sideline for months to come. So there. I met an obstacle, and adjusted my plan. I am still confident that I will do great this year!

I have to share with you the amazing dinner we had last night. It was just the two of us, and we got majorly stuffed. The leftovers were binned, just so I wouldn't snack on them today. ;)

We lovelovelove Spanish tapas feasts! In the middle there are baked potato wedges, and starting from the top left, going clockwise: bacon-wrapped dates, aioli♥, cherry tomatoes/feta cheese/red onion, bread, chorizo sausage, the table, salty crackers, chicken fried in the chorizo fat. If you look at the table you'll also notice my Dr.Pepper, and his beer. ;) I absolutely love Dr.Pepper, but barely ever drink it (as we don't have the diet version here).

I guesstimated my meal to be 1100kcal. Crazy? Yes. Worth it? Hell yes! I don't even feel bad about it, that's the good thing about planned indulgences! There is a LOT of salt in this food though, and I can actually feel the bloating. I'm expecting a gain on the scale tomorrow because of it, but I know that come next weigh-in it'll be sorted. :)

Tonight my husband has asked me out on a New Year's date. It might have something to do with him meeting the next door neighbour outside as we were watching the fireworks ... and then joining him for "one drink", ... and I'm sure you can guess the rest. ;) I didn't mind at all, but I also won't mind getting a lovely dinner date for it. ;)

Goodbye 2011 - HELLO 2012!

2011-12-31T16:57:00.001+01:00

2011 has been a year full of ups and downs, although I suppose all years are like that. I spent most of the year gaining weight, before finding myself turning 26 and weighing more than I ever had before. Something clicked in my mind, and I told myself that I am going to change my life. And so it began. This was October 6th, and I haven't looked back since.

In a little less than 3 months I have:

worked out for 3196 minutes (53,3 hours)
lost almost 10kg and passed the 20lb mark.
lost 33cm / 13 inches on my body.
burnt off 32509 calories in the gym/hiking

I had a goal of 4000 minutes worked out from Oct 6th-Dec 31st. I didn't get there, but I'll applaud myself for the 3196 minutes worked out, rather than beat myself up over the 800 minutes missing. Exercising with a horrendous pain because of the surgery I had in August makes 3196 minutes feel like 3196 hours. So in my book - I have been successful! In addition, I had a bit of an emotional breakthrough in this blog post... which helped me continue strong on my journey.

I know I told you yesterday that I'd post pictures of the food, but we're eating later than I thought, so that will be for tomorrow. I finished 2011 strong with a brutal workout, and I am so ready. Ready to challenge myself, to drive myself. Ready to continue changing my life.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. For walking down this road with me, and holding my hand when I need it, pushing me when I need it, and for keeping me company.

Happy new year my friends!

My New Year's Resolutions -> Goals for 2012

2011-12-30T15:55:00.002+01:00

I don't know if I like or dislike New Year's resolutions, but I make them every year. Usually I keep them to myself, and that sort of tells me I don't have much faith in reaching them! Since this blog is all about 'keeping it real' - I'll share with you my list, and hopefully that will make me reach some goals!

Get at least half way in my weigh loss journey. I can probably do better, but I don't want to set myself up for failure. Plus, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. (Seriously, I'm not just saying that to make it easy on myself either!)

Work out at least 1100 minutes each month. That equals 13200 minutes for the entire year. I've been above 1000 each month so far, so this is reachable. It means I have to be consistent though - and that's a very important goal for me.

Do the Spring Chick Challenge 2012. I want to reach the goals I have set for this challenge!

Try at least 15 new vegetables / fruits! Getting stuck in a vegetable rut is boring, and doesn't really inspire healthy eating - thus, a vegetable/fruits goal!

I want to fit into a pants 5 sizes below where I started! When I first began this journey I had to use a size 52. That equals a US 22 and a UK 24. Five sizes below is a size 42, or a US 12 and UK 14. That would be a massive accomplishment!

I want to walk/run/bike 500 miles / 805k in 2012! I have no idea if this is reachable, but it's a good goal. I'm sure I can make it if I put my mind to it! I'm counting from yesterday, because I'm so eager to get started, so I'll just stop counting December 29th 2012 or something. ;)

I also wanted to share my two trips from today with you. The weather has been amazing, so I decided to get my butt off the couch and go do something! First I went to the Arboretum with my friend Vibeche. Here is our trail:

It is more or less 2 miles, and a lovely hike. Not too steep, not too easy. I absolutely love it there. You can see pictures from this area in earlier posts found here. I'll add two, just because I love them so much!

Another old picture!

After I came home I didn't feel "done" walking, so I asked my husband to join me for a walk down to "the tanks". It's 1.8miles back and forth, and just a tiny industrial pier with some tanks, quite lovely walk actually.

Here are some snapshots from our walk!

From the pier. The big ships are from the navy base across the fjord!

Me, smiling!

Tonight we are going to the movies to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie - can't wait! I've worked out and I am allowing myself a small popcorn... mmmmmm... popcorn! Tomorrow I'm cooking tapas for the two of us, and we're just going to relax at home. I'll show you some pictures of the meal tomorrow, it will be awesome (and a calorie bomb ;) ;))

Have a wonderful evening!

Week #12 Weigh-in (The Christmas one!)

2011-12-29T10:40:00.004+01:00

I was completely ready to see a 4-5-6-7lb gain from Christmas, because I felt I had been eating far, far too much. At the same time, I tried to make the best choices I could within that. I'm not quite sure what, but clearly I did something right!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 113.9kg / 251.1lb

Current weight: 113.7kg / 250.7lb

This week's loss: 0.2kg / 0.4lb

Total loss: 9.5kg / 21.3b

What!!! How is that even possible? I know 0.2kg / 0.4lb isn't much, but it's over Christmas! It's the time of year where it's impossible to lose weight.. I'm completely shocked. This gives me hope that I have actually started to change on the inside too! I don't even know what to say. I am gobsmacked!And very happy, of course. ;)

As for the goals I posted yesterday, I have gotten a lot of feedback saying that daily exercise in January might be too much. I'm completely with you on that statement, but I want you to know that I have an adjusted workout routine. It's been made with a professional personal trainer, and rotates in muscle groups and activities - so don't worry, it's perfectly safe for my body! For my mind, probably not. ;)

Can you believe I lost weight over Christmas?? I sure can't!

My goals for The Spring Chick Challenge!

2011-12-28T12:08:00.001+01:00

Like I mentioned a few days ago I found the perfect challenge for me - starting off 2012 with a bang! It's called The Spring Chick Challenge 2012 and is hosted by The Big Butt Theory! You can read more about the challenge and details here: The Spring "Chick" Challenge blog. I am going to list my goals for this challenge, and they will be closely tied to the goals I'll set for the year as a whole. Remember that the challenge goes until March 19th, so these goals are to be met in 2.5 months.

Challenge bannerbuttonthingy!

Non-scale victories

I want to lose at least 10 inches.
I want to improve my mile time from 13:05 to under 11:30. I can't run as often as I would like because of my legs, so 1m30s is enough for this particular challenge!
I want to fit into a size 46 pants (US 16 / UK 18).

Nutrition parameters

1600 kcal daily
1.5L water daily
No particular limitations

Exercise parameters

Continuing on my strength program
Exercise every single day in January
Exercise at least 4 times a week after January

I also commit to blogging about my progress, and of course to supporting my fellow participants! I am very happy about this challenge and the way it's so open to your own goals - it's definitely something for me!

What do you think of my goals? Any comments? Suggestions?

The last day of Christmas...

2011-12-27T18:12:00.000+01:00

Today is the last day of Christmas for me. I haven't indulged at all today, but there has been a lot of food. I know there will be some treats tonight, and I have defined in my mind how much I will eat. Tomorrow morning we are driving back home, and I am so ready for that. I absolutely yearn to get back into the swing of things. I need to exercise - I need to eat healthy.. I just need to get moving again! It's been very frustrating to be "stuck" here and gaining weight rather than losing. I haven't weighed in yet, but I will when I get home. I know I have gained, and that's fine. It wasn't what I tried for but Christmas happens, you know? It is what it is, and all I can do about it is just .. keep working.

My father in law makes a carbonara type dish - and as it is absolutely unhealthy - it is of course absolutely delicious too! We've had it twice while being here, and I love it. I will try tweaking the recipe into something healthier and then blogging more about it. Until then, all you get is the picture. Although it doesn't really look all that good, more like a mush. And he forgot the peas. :p It's a lot better with peas, strangely enough.

It's been nice being here, but I'm sort of fed up. There have been a few discussions, and although it's nothing serious it just gets old having the same discussions over and over. Issues such as "computer addictiveness" (my blogging), or my "fussy eating" (meaning I prefer healthy options) .... or how my husband allegedly "dumps" me .. My mother in law has been going crazy over that. The thing is, I don't mind. He wants to visit all his old friends down here, and that's fine, but most of the time they talk about things they have done in the past, people they know etc.. So I am completely left out. They also tend to get drunk, and since I don't drink on my diet (or much in general), I prefer staying here. She doesn't like it because she feels it's wrong of him. So whenever he leaves for a few hours she'll bring it up...... I'll always say the same thing - I REALLY don't mind. She asked me yesterday if I would have told her IF I actually did mind (because she doesn't believe that I don't) ... and I just said "I would have told him". I would never have discussed my husband negatively with her, for me, that's just unthinkable - and especially when I sincerely do not mind.

So yeah. Having the same discussions 10x times gets old.
I'm ready to go home!

Getting ready for 2012!

2011-12-26T17:46:00.001+01:00

I'm working on my "New Year's Resolutions" as we speak. They're not really resolutions, more goals that I want to work on during the year. I don't need January 1st to make changes, but it's coming anyway so might as well define some goals to work on. I'll get back to that as it closes in. I've changed the header of my blog to reflect one of the things I want to accomplish, and hopefully ... I will!

I'm getting restless at the in-laws, and honestly I want to go home. I want to get back to my own life, with my own food an routines. I had to go for a long walk today to get some air, and get a burn of sorts. I managed to get sweaty, but all the roads here are paved with ice.. so it was tricky. I fell once, but managed to direct myself onto the snow (you acquire skills like that when growing up in a winter-land). So yeah, the weather prohibited a decent workout - but at least I got out! Don't let the sand fool you, it's just laying on top of the ice. Helpful for a car, not so much for me. You think you're safe, but then BOOM! ;)

Ice - ice - ice!

Are any of you making resolutions/setting goals for 2012? What are they? I'm breaking mine into smaller milestones, and then more general ones for the year.

Christmas day buffet

2011-12-25T19:09:00.000+01:00

My mother-in-law made an amazing buffet for the entire family today. I got stuffed, but didn't go crazy. I had a bit of everything, and I feel like I indulged. No guilty conscience, just appropriately full and happy. Feels nice that it's possible.

I have eaten too much so far on our, and too many treats.. but somehow I'm not very worried about going home and getting back into the track of things! In general I feel very relaxed about everything, because my mindset has changed. Earlier it was a relief to go away on trips, and be able to binge and indulge every other minute. Now, I long for my routine back home and the healthy food. That's quite a mental change in only a few months time. It's worth more than I would have thought!

Merry Christmas bloggers!

2011-12-24T15:44:00.000+01:00

All the best, from me to you. Thank you for the support - I hope your celebrations will be fantastic! The end of this year has been great for me, and I'm really looking forward to 2012!!

At the in-laws

2011-12-23T10:45:00.000+01:00

We arrived here late yesterday and were fed the most lovely meal. Unfortunately my mother-in-law decided to have us test te Christmas cookies etc. I wish I could say I didn't fall on my face into the cookie tray, but I did............ Ah well. Today is a new day! She's not making it easy though with all the cookie trays and the candy jars. It's a test of will!

She told me that she could clearly see that I had lost weight, and I am so happy she did! She insisted it had to be 30-40lb, and refused to believe me when I said it was only 20lb... She's not the kind of person to say these things lightly, so I'm very happy!! I love that it's suddenly visible, and somehow that will help me get through Christmas just fine. I'm not going to let loose and go crazy, but no matter what happens I'll be fine!

Also, they have Christmasy toilet papers with angels on... And I'm finding it kind of weird wiping with angels!!

The in-law tree!

I found the perfect challenge: The Spring "Chick" Challenge 2012

2011-12-22T12:28:00.001+01:00

As you are reading this I'm in the car, headed to our Christmas destination. Check yesterday's post for details. Oh, and don't worry - I'm obviously not driving!

SO! To the point - I've been told about a challenge that will be perfect for me, and for many of my fellow blogging friends! It's called the Spring "Chick" Challenge 2012 and is hosted by The Big Butt Theory! It's straight forward and exactly what I need to help myself get a good start in 2012! Perfect! (1000x thank you to Blog Wobble for pointing it out to me! ♥) I especially love that you can set your own goals in terms of a NSV you want to reach, a caloric intake, exercise etc. It really is suitable for anyone and everyone, because you adjust it to your own starting point. Brilliant. And, as an added bonus - your support system grows! Can't fail!

You can read more about the challenge and details here: The Spring "Chick" Challenge blog!

What do you think?

Who's in?

Completely unrelated - but still very cute!

Also, I wanted to hear how everyone has done on the Sweet Tooth Challenge? I have completed mine without much difficulty, and I'm very happy with that. I sincerely hope that it might have helped some of you that chose to participate, and I'd love to hear how you experienced it!

Preparing for the Christmas-drive!

2011-12-21T15:16:00.000+01:00

I went to the gym late last night to get a good workout in. I ran another mile, and cut my time by 15 seconds - so 1 mile = 13min 05sec. I'm happy with the progress. What I'm not so happy with is the shin splints pains I'm getting.. so I think Christmas came in time to save my shins.. I'll have to cut back on the running, and see if I can pick it up again when I'm not so heavy. My knees hurt too. Not a good kind of sore, but a joint pain that is not good at all. Not too worried about it. I'll rest my feet from running, and try again come 2012!

We've started packing and will drive south to my in-laws tomorrow morning. It's about 430 kilometers - that's roughly 270 miles. With stops it takes us around 8+ hours..

Bergen (A) - Stavanger (B) - Evje (C)

Here's an overview of our route. We're going the 'coastal' way down (E39), and will be stopping in Stavanger for some food. Bergen (our current home town) is Norway's 2nd largest city, Stavanger is 4th. My in-laws live where you can see the C, a small town called Evje. I guess this doesn't really show a lot, so here's a map with a better overview:

The purple dot is where my family lives, and where I come from.

This is the southern part of Norway, and it illustrates our route better I think. During the summer we drive over the mountains instead, but come winter it's not a great place to drive.

I've planned for the trip so we don't have to stop at a roadside cafe and buy something greasy. I've packed grapes and carrots, we're bringing water and stopping for some proper food about half way in Stavanger. I'm looking forward to going! It's a long drive, but it's a beautiful trip with some pretty amazing landscape! I'll finish this post with some pictures from some of our previous drives!

Norwegian fjord

Mountain by the fjord.

Typical Norwegian scenery

Also typical Norwegian scenery

This is the road taking us past the Fennefoss (waterfall)

Fennefoss - the greatest place to make German and/or Japanese friends in Norway ;)

And lastly, two winter-pictures from the same route:

Norway! Big and .. cold? :p

Also typical, small churches by the foot of the mountains!

I hope you are all well underway with your Christmas preparations - if not: time is running out! I'll be blogging throughout Christmas, but I know many (most?) of you won't - so I will wish you a merry Christmas and all the best for 2012! ♥

Trying to like pork..

2011-12-20T11:39:00.000+01:00

I've never liked pork, in any shape or form. I've found the meat to be chewy and just so boring and bland. I've decided that I need to try more new things, and bringing back the pork was one of those things. It's not new exactly, but it's been years! Fortunately I found pork tenderloin on sale - $17 for 2.5lb. I don't think that's too bad, although I'm not up to date on the pork prices these days...

I also wanted to mix up my vegetables, and try two things I've never tried: parsnip and sweet potatoes. Well, that's not entirely true. I've had sweet potatoes once before, but that wasn't a success.

Parsnips!

Sweet potatoes!

Not knowing what to do with the pork tenderloin, I called my mother. She's a great cook, only she uses a lot of "weird things". ;) She suggested that I roasted it, and just rubbing it with salt and pepper. That's what I did, and it was amazing. Seriously, so amazing I can't believe what I've been missing out on! I made a low cal pepper sauce which was amazing too, and baked the vegetables in the oven. Let me show you!

Parsnips, carrots, sweet potatoes, rutabaga, potato and garlic! ♥

I am thrilled with my discovery - and now I turn to you guys. I beg you to share with me your best pork recipes. That goes for sweet potatoes too. I am absolutely hooked!!!

Week #11 Weigh-in

2011-12-19T10:33:00.001+01:00

As expected, this week's weigh-in wasn't exactly stellar. But it's fine, and I know exactly why. Firstly, a few days ago "Aunt Flo" came to visit (I hate that name). I usually "skip" her, but not this time, and that might account for some bloating. Secondly, I did not eat well all week. Hmm, no scratch that. I ate fine, it's just that I ate too much!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 114.3kg / 251.9lb

Current weight: 113.9kg / 251.1lb

This week's loss: 0.4kg / 0.8lb

Total loss: 9.3kg / 20.9b

Let me tell you a few reasons why this weigh-in doesn't bother me:

- I visited my family for five days last week and still managed to lose 1kg / 2.2lb!
- I have shortened my mile time from 17minutes to 13min20sec!
- I have found peace in knowing that I will reach my goal. Now it's a matter of when - not if!

After the post I did with the new picture of myself, there were some comments on how they could actually see that I had lost weight. I was sincerely puzzled, because I have been unable to tell. I can see that the one pair of jeans are getting loose.. but beyond that, nothing. So I put the two pictures up against each other... and what do you know.. maybe I can tell a little bit after all!

Left side: October. ---- Right side: December.

Pictures from my winter-hike

2011-12-18T10:52:00.001+01:00

Yesterday the weather was finally good enough to go outside for a walk. I guess I shouldn't really call it a hike, but I spent over an hour walking. Here are some pictures from the Norwegian winter wonderland lake. ;)

The lake nearby, named "Skranevatnet".

The path... :)

Beautiful lake.

Ducks and sunset

The snow can't get to everywhere..

One of my favourites - "walk towards the light"

The bench at "duck's corner", great place to feed the ducks!

Ducks!

They will follow you along the corner, hoping for food!

Sunset ♥

Winter wonderland!

Today it's nothing like this. The snow is still here, but the fog has set in and we can barely see the yard. I'm glad I got out to take this pictures when I did - and got a great hike in the cold weather as well!

Tomorrow I'm weighing in, and I have a bad feeling. I have allowed myself to indulge far too much this week, as the temptations have been thrown at me from everywhere. I still hope to lose every week for the remainder of 2011, but I will try not to be disappointed with a stand still. This is the hardest season of the year after all!

Have a great Sunday!

Omelet - and a new pic of me!

2011-12-17T14:05:00.002+01:00

This morning I made an omelet, and mine usually turn out .. pretty disgusting. Today, however, it was brilliant! I made it simple, just eggs, a bit of milk, and cheese in between.

Looks pretty good, huh? ;)

I'm going hiking today, despite of the snow. It's nice outside and I want to make it count. I should be having a strength workout but it's so rare during the winter that it's actually possible to go outside - I'm going to take advantage of it.

I also wanted to share a picture I took of myself before going to eat steak. I felt comfortable and pretty in my outfit, but I was stupid enough to use my phone camera - rather than a proper one. So you can't really see much, and it definitely doesn't show that I've lost weight (since for example this post/picture). I did feel great though!

Ignore the shoes!

Alright, I'm off! I'll be back with some winter-pictures tomorrow,.. so I guess you can all look forward to that :p I need to get two good workouts in before weigh-in, because I have been eating way (way!) to much this week! Need to get a grip!

A beautiful letter from my doctor!

2011-12-16T12:58:00.000+01:00

As some of you might remember, I decided to go see my doctor and have a blood test taken. I wrote about it back in October. I said;

I have made an appointment to see my doctor on Thursday (or was it Friday... hmmm) to have a pre-healthy exam. I want to check my blood pressure, triglyceride level and other numbers important for a fat person. I'm taking a new approach to losing weight - the healthy one. I want to focus not only on dropping weight and getting smaller sized clothes, but also remembering that blood pressure, triglycerides etc are important factors as well. I think this will help me in the long run!

I went, and she crossed off on her list for glycated hemoglobin, cholesterol and triglycerides. Now I'm not a doctor, but these numbers says something about my health, tied to my obesity. The glycated hemoglobin says something about the blood sugar level, and is tied to diabetes. Obviously, that is something a very overweight person should think about. Cholesterol is tied to heart disease, and triglycerides says something about the risk of heart disease and stroke. Simply put: these are some pretty serious numbers!

My results were:

Blood sugar: 5.5 (Normal range 4.0-6.4)
HDL-cholesterole (the good kind): 1.3 (Normal range: 1.0-2.7)
LDL-cholesterole (the bad kind): 1.5 (Normal range: 1.8-5.7)
Triglycerides: 1.54 (Normal range: 0.45-2.60)

This means that getting healthy on the inside (in terms of these numbers) is not going to be an issue. I am surprised, relieved and thrilled. I had so much fear of how badly I had hurt myself, and this is a load off my mind for sure. Now I can focus on the emotional and mental part of this journey, and not worry about a poor health. My doctor had written a note on the blood test report, and I will finish these fantastic news with her words - because frankly, they say it all!

Hi! GREAT numbers. You are not obese on the inside. Good luck on your weight loss, you and I both know you will succeed! Kind regards, Dr..........

Workout = steak tonight!

2011-12-15T11:08:00.000+01:00

My husband returned from Korea late last night, and I was happy to see him to say the least. A lot of people find it strange that he works there for a month at a time, but we've been doing it for years and it's normal for us now. It's not forever, but for now it's fine. Missing each other never hurt. Upon seeing me at the airport he raised his eyebrows, said I looked beautiful - and that he could really tell I had lost weight. I guess the difference is easier to see when it's been a month. He said it with such a genuine look on his face, he was clearly pleased to see me .... Made my day. Hell, it made my week!

I had a surprise for him when he came home too! We've been living in this apartment for a bit over 2 years, and while I've had the spare room as my office/craft/study room, he's had to use his laptop in the living room. Now, however, I've bought and built his own desk in a spare corner. He was thrilled! Finally somewhere to sit and work!

It might not look like much, but it's just what he needs - and I built it myself! I can also inform you that about half-way into the build I realized I had been using the wrong screws. I had to undo the entire thing and nearly lost my mind. I made it in the end though. ;)

Yes, that is a big jar of Jelly Beans!

This morning I hit the gym. I'm not usually fond of going in the morning, I'm always so sleepy and "slow". I had to today though, it was the only time I could squeeze it in before going out for steak tonight. I had a great strength workout, I jogged for a bit and biked. I have also come to realize that the spin bike's seat isn't very ....adjusted... to my butt. Clearly my butt isn't too big, it's the seat that's too small. ;) The exercise bike's seat however, suits my butt just fine - look:

A lot of butt pain!

No butt pain!

I worked out hard this morning, and got a great burn. My knees are a bit sore, but alternating different machines and workouts seems to be helping a lot! I was super motivated today, seeing as it was my first workout without a bandage on (like I wrote about yesterday). I have to tell you it was liberating! Furthermore, here is my prize for tonight (minus the alcohol, since I will be driving!):

I am going to Big Horn Steak House! ♥

Surgery sucks. A lot.

2011-12-14T11:08:00.000+01:00

Do you remember me mentioning that I had surgery back in August? Well I did. August 11th I was treated for Hidradenitis suppurativa and had several cysts removed. Fortunately they were all tied to the skin disease, and none of them were dangerous in any way.

So far, so good.

The surgery itself was fine. I was awake the whole time, and as much as it could have freaked me out I stayed calm. The smell of my own burnt flesh is something I could have done without though. There was quite a bit of bleeding, and apparently burning is the way to go. I will never forget that smell. Couldn't if I tried.

After the surgery they gave me some fairly strong pain medication to "tide me over". I was given a prescription for more, but I opted not to go down that road. I insisted to everyone that I was better and had barely any pain. I said I had balls of steel and could manage.

That was a lie.

The first week was complete and utter agony. It hurt to breathe, let alone to move. I bled a lot during that time, and when they removed the stitches after 14 days it hadn't healed at all. Basically that left me with an open sore across my entire armpit. I was banned from exercising, but couldn't have done it anyway. I got an infection and the pain escalated. I had several treatments of antibiotics, and it helped somewhat. The pain was less, but it was constant. After several weeks of what feels like being slowly cut with a knife over and over again, I found it hard to keep sane.

Still, I never told anyone (besides my doctor) of all the pain.

Long story short, the first day without need of any bandage since August 11th is today. It's only during the past couple of days that my wound from the surgery has healed 100%. I have had four months of bleeding, seeping and pain. The 2600+ minutes of exercise have been torturous - but I did it regardless. That is a massive victory for me. Imagine living with a constant pain for four months, and whenever you exercise it triples. That's not an incentive for hitting that gym - it's an incentive that tells you to stop moving and sit down.

I conquered the pain.
I owned it.
I prevailed.

And I have the scar to prove it.

I've lost 20lbs. Can you believe it?

2011-12-13T12:26:00.001+01:00

I'm not sure I can.

I mean, I see the scale, and I know it's changed. But I can't tell. In my mind it doesn't show. I look the same, but I don't feel the same. I feel healthier and stronger - and that's definitely worth something. I just don't see that I've lost any weight. I only wear those horrid black stretch pants because I can't fit into anything else, except one pair of jeans. When I tried it I could tell that it was looser. It used to be really snug around my belly, but now I can fit my fist in between easily. So clearly, something is changing! I guess I'm just impatient for it to show. I have some before photos, and I'm going to take some more now.. but it seems like I'm still the same even after 20lbs. Puzzles me a bit.

Anyway, I wanted to share some photos with you from my trip up north, just a glimpse of what we've been doing. :)

My siblings' school has been completely rebuilt from the ground up, and they were putting on an opening show. Each class had a small play or a dance each. Some did songs, and it was quite wonderful. My brother is like me - not very comfortable on a stage, so he pretty much spent the entire time with his back against the crowd. ;)

My brother in blue. :)

In fact, the only time he faced us was when they were to receive their applause.... ;) Oh well. My sister, on the other hand, loves the spotlight. She was so happy that I was there to watch - and not to mention take pictures. They were doing a line dance act, and I think she was looking at me and the camera more or less the entire time!

My sister is in the back, left side.

They were actually quite good. ;)

My sister is a gymnast, and they were having a Christmas show to display what they had been working on all season. I've only ever played sports that include some sort of ball, and there we've had matches to play. I guess this is the closest a gymnast comes to a match of sorts. At least she was very nervous, and didn't want to mess up her routine. :)

Warming up :) And waiving to me every 30 sec.. ;)

A little pose won't hurt!

Everyone entering to loud music and cheering. Exciting!

Doing flips!

And .. twirls??

The only thing I don't like going up there during the winter season is the snow. I'm sure snow is amazing if you're not used to it, but for me it's just a burden. I do appreciate that the kids like it though, and I even got to referee a race!

My brother and his friends - Ready! Set! Go!!

I walked the dog every day, and HE certainly loves the snow. He was completely crazy from we came outside until we returned. He'll run and jump into any pit of snow, howling with joy. He is weird!

Trying to get him to pose, so we could send a pic to the breeder.

I will end this post with a few shots of the winter wonderland scenery. I'm sure some of you will appreciate it far more than I am able to. I was thrilled to come back home to Bergen and find that the snow had rained away. ;)

From my father's street.

My father's street.

Have a great Tuesday!

Week #10 Weigh-in

2011-12-12T10:16:00.002+01:00

So as you know I decided to 'test myself' while being on this trip. I ate moderately and didn't track anything at all. I haven't been worrying about it, I've just gone with the flow and tried to make the best of things. I nearly cried when I stepped on the scale this morning:

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 115.2kg / 253.7lb

Current weight: 114.3kg / 251.9lb

This week's loss: 0.9kg / 2lb

Total loss: 8.9kg / 20.1b

I managed to lose 0.9kg / 2lbs while being away!
I HIT THE 20LB MARK!

I am thrilled beyond words. I have always struggled making good choices while I've been away. I've allowed myself "just a bit of this" and "once slice won't hurt". I really wanted to do well this time and prove something to myself - that I can, no matter where I am. That it all lies in my hands, and not someone else's. This feels like a turning point for me, I feel so confident in what lies ahead of me. I just have to keep going and I'll get there for sure!

I can barely believe it. But the scale doesn't lie that many times in a row!

Me, taken last summer at a photography class!

A comforting dialogue..

2011-12-11T11:46:00.001+01:00

This morning I overheard a conversation between my siblings, about me. Clearly, they are old enough to know that I am obese, and have some thoughts about it. Neither of them have asked me about it or made comments, and I haven't really felt like addressing it with them either. I mean, what do you say? Be careful or you wind up like me? They eat well, are active, and won't be fat.

Brother: Why do you think she is fat?
Sister: Uhh... dunno... maybe she eats candy for dinner?
Brother: But she doesn't like candy!
Sister: hmmm........
Brother: Maybe because she is rich!
Sister: Why?
Brother: Because rich people don't have to do anything so they get fat.
Sister: Hmmm... I think so too.
Sister: But she is cool anyway.

For the record, I am not rich. Nowhere near it. In their minds, anyone that can afford to buy them things (such as two ice creams each) is rich. If you have an ATM card you are rich - because apparently it gives you "free" money. ;)

Fortunately I am "cool anyway".

A great day with my family :)

2011-12-10T15:47:00.000+01:00

First we went to see my sister's gymnastics show this afternoon. She's been doing it for a while, and has really improved! I think she was proud that I was there, because she kept waiving at me and smiling. I love going to things like that, it's a true sorrow of mine that I rarely get the chance to do so, living so far away. I'll show you some more pictures later, but here's one:

My sister, being helped to do a flip :)

After the gymnastics show we went to our favorite pizza place. The pizza is anything but healthy, but oh so delicious. I don't even have a guilty conscience. I never binge on pizza, it was a great and fun mean. No problem. My dad and stepmother was there too, but my brother forced them to sit on another table because they wanted to "go alone" with me. Hilarous. :)

Large pizza, cheese and ham = happy kids :)

I've also spent a lot of time with the dog. I love that dog so much, we have a blast with him. He's still tailing me, and when I went to the bathroom this morning he was howling outside - wanting to come in. Eventually he just laid down and waited for me to finish, and when I came out he was overjoyed. I love how dogs will greet you like they haven't seen you for a year, even if you've just been gone a short while. :)

My brother snapped me and the dog :)

I've had a great time here, but I have to say I'm also looking forward to go home. I miss my routine, my own food, my workouts ... my whole weightloss schedule. I do my best while being here, but I feel like it'll be good for me getting back into the 'real deal'.

NSV: The junk food owns me no more!

2011-12-09T17:57:00.000+01:00

I don't remember if I've really explained here how much the junk food has controlled me over the past few years. I have been absolutely owned by it. I have driven detours to get a BigMac, or better yet a WhopperCheese. I have lied, I have even stolen money from our "food jar" to buy a burger. It's pathetic and I've been so embarrassed. I've coersed my husband to go with me, because being a fat person alone at Burger King is embarrassing. As if it's any better if he's there with me.

When I visit my family I have usually taken my siblings to McDonald's for my own benefit. I wanted to go, they were the perfect excuse. They like it too, so it was a win-win. Today I took them because they never go with our parents. Like, not ever. I didn't take them there for me, but for them. I ordered a Double Cheeseburger, ate 1/4 and maybe less than half my fries, and had a diet coke. This might not sound like a great deal, but for me it's a massive non-scale victory. I wasn't tempted. It was just a meal. And not a very good one! I'm not ready to go to Burger King just yet, but I'm getting there. I'm slowly moving away from what has felt like an addiction and a curse, to something that is just a rare and okay meal.


My sister, happy with a HappyMeal!


My brother, enjoying his McFlurry with extra sprinkles!

I've done well while being here. I've eaten resonably, I've walked the dog. I haven't felt bad about the few treats we have had (nothing that breaks my Sweet Tooth Challenge). I feel like I'm getting stronger and like I'm able to control my food and habits. That is a big deal!

Tonight I am going out with all the women on my mother's side of the family. It's a yearly tradition, or well, it's becoming one. I started it three years ago, where we all go out for a great meal before Christmas. We rarely get to see each other - and especially all at the same time. Looking forward to it! I have even researched the menu of the place we are going, and I have made good and healthy choices! Win!

Here is a picture of the scenerey outside my dad's house, taken while walking the dog. I'm not a fan of the snow, but it looks nice on occasion (I just don't want it on my car :p).

Have a great weekend!

Call-out to all my weightloss friends!

2011-12-08T11:10:00.000+01:00

Yes, I am calling on you all to help Amanda G. Harp, M.A. graduate faster! She approached me yesterday and asked me to convey this to all of you - my weightloss friends. She is a doctoral candidate at Clark University, doing a study on how your spouse or partner influences your weight loss efforts. Here is what she says about it:

"While it's hard losing weight on your own, it's not necessarily easier with a spouse or partner. Sometimes partners/spouses undermine weight loss through acts like complaining about healthier food, gifting high-caloric foods, or even through abusive language/acts. I'm creating an anonymous, online survey to assess for partner undermining and to learn more from those who experience it. To be eligible to take the survey, participants need to have experienced this in their current relationship (of at least the past 2 years), and have been participating in a weight loss program for the past 5 consecutive weeks. For more info, you can check out http://tinyurl.com/Clark-Study or Google PUBS-WL."

I absolutely urge you to take this survey. Firstly, I think that all research done on anything obesity-related is great! Haven't we all heard "just eat less and exercise more", and deal with that kind of stigma every day? Well I do. So my opinion is that we need to contribute what we can, to whatever research is carried out. Allow me to underline that I have no personal interest in this, other than being fat myself. Amanda writes: "I think this is a very worthwhile and important study that could help health care professionals better understand their patients' barriers to weight loss" - and I could not agree more.

Please take the time to improve the knowledge on one of the many difficult areas within weightloss. You can win a $100 gift card, too! I would also like to kindly ask you to post this on your blog and help Amanda further in her study. My opinion is that the more knowledge we have in this battle against the weight, the more likely we are to succeed.

Have you ever met Sweety from Israel??

2011-12-07T11:19:00.000+01:00

I was at the grocery store the other day, and I spotted what I believed to be MONSTER SIZED limes. But no, the label said "Sweety". Some sort of Israeli citrus fruit. It seemed a bit inverted, that a giant lime would be named Sweety - so I had to buy one.

Tell me this doesn't look like a lime??

Wikipedia says that Sweety is actually called a Pomelit - a hybrid grapefruit and pomelo. It's actually developed in Israel. Totally weird. Seeing that I have never tasted grapefruit or pomelo, I can't really say if it's a good hybrid development.... ;) People seem to cross the pomelo for some reason, and a tangelo is a cross between pomelo and tangerine. This is so weird!

Seriously, looks like a lime, right? This is as big as an orange.

Heeey, where's the pulp??

All in all... it was terrible. Haha! It was sour, but not in a good way like a lemon or a lime. It was just "off" for me. I took one bite and then I was done. Sweety from Israel is definitely not living up to the name. ;)

About my trip to my family up North this week.. I have been contemplating not tracking my food and see where that takes me. Not because I want to binge, indulge or whatever, but sort of like a challenge to myself. Can I handle not being held accountable by numbers? I won't have a scale, so it will be guesstimates anyway, and I'm thinking that it might be a learning experience.. What do you think?

My math exam is over - and I'm going on a trip!

2011-12-06T20:09:00.000+01:00

I have been studying like a mad person for the past few weeks, and today I had my math exam. It was oral, and one of the most difficult I have taken at uni so far. I did get a B though, and I am thrilled about that!

Tomorrow night I'm flying up north to be with my family. I'm spending Christmas with my husband at the in-laws, so I'm going to see them now since I'm done for the semester and he's still in Korea. My youngest brother (11) texted me and said "I'm so much looking forward for you to come it's sick!!". He's a gem. My sister is excited too! Hey, even I am excited!

What we know to be true though, is that traveling and losing weight is hard. I'll be at my dad's house, and that means less control over meals. In addition, he loves to spoil me with breakfast pancakes, egg and bacon, you name it. Hello weight gain!! I'm going to try my very best not to gain anything, but I fear that this will be my most challenging week so far. I only have 2 of 7 days at home, and that means I need to prepare. Here's what I've come up with:

I'm taking my trainers and clothes to exercise in.
I will walk the dog every day, and try to go to my cousin's gym at least once (I can work out at home before I leave on Wednesday, and in the evening when I come home on Sunday).
I will stick to the Sweet Tooth Challenge!
I will track my food and water while being there, even if I have to estimate. It helps me take better choices.

I'm not sure that there's a whole lot more I can do, but I really, really hope to show myself that a loss is possible even when being away... I mean... it is possible, right??

Week #9 Weigh-in!

2011-12-05T10:46:00.001+01:00

So! I was looking forward to this weigh-in after last week's 0.1kg / 0.2lb. That was a downer, but this week it looks a lot better. I was actually hoping for more, but I have plenty of time. It's all good!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 116.2kg / 256.2lb

Current weight: 115.2kg / 253.9lb

This week's loss: 1kg / 2.2lb

Total loss: 8kg / 17.6lb

For the past five days I've been drinking more water than I have in all of November combined. Isn't that a bit of a shocking thing? It sure was to me. My lowest water intake for the past week was 1.5L, that's about 50oz. I've been closer to 2L most days (almost 68oz). The only physical change I've noticed is that I have to go to the bathroom a lot. So much that it's a bit annoying actually.. But I've promised myself to stick with it, and maybe it'll give my bladder some .. uh.. exercise?

As for the Sweet Tooth Challenge, I'm sort of sad to say that it hasn't really been much of a challenge. I haven't had any thoughts of candy, snacks, anything. I sort of feel like I should be struggling more for it to be a real challenge.. ;)

I'm doing the numbers.

2011-12-04T15:32:00.001+01:00

After yesterday's difficult post I feel a bit emotionally drained. I don't really have a lot on my mind or heart at the moment. In addition, I'm studying like a madman for my exam on Tuesday. I have so much to learn, and so little time. Maths isn't my strongest subject, and we have topics like probability, combinatorics, statistics, fractions.... yeah. It's hard.

I'm also nervous about my weigh-in tomorrow, but I guess if I wanted to I could work out the probability for a loss.. Put my abilities to the test. ;) The books below was about 3/4 of my curriculum this spring. In maths, we have three pretty slim books - and still it's harder by about a million miles! Jeez!

I was broken.

2011-12-03T12:58:00.000+01:00

This post has been stewing in my mind for quite some time, but I didn't know how to word it. How can I put into words the thoughts that have haunted me for years? Thoughts I didn't even want to think.

I have daemons inside me. Some are just reminders of a difficult past, and some are very real even today. I have so many memories of how I have held myself back, how I have sold myself short and how I have abused myself time and time again. Most people don't see me that way. They see me as confident, strong, independent. In some ways, that is me. In so many other ways, it's not even close. I have seen myself as a complete and total car wreck. Beyond repair. It's was over for me. I could never go back.

The year I turned 16 I got a boyfriend. Against all odds really, because I was obese even then. He saw something in me that I couldn't see, and I felt lucky to just have someone. Anyone. In the beginning it was all good, I liked him. We were together for a little over 4 years, and the last two years I didn't even like him anymore. All the bad feelings I had about my self were unleashed on him. I treated him so poorly it's beyond my imagination why he would ever stay with me. To this day, I can still not understand that. I did and said things that I can never take back, and that I am ashamed of. Things that were hurtful, mean.. even hateful. Had you heard any of this, I'm sure you would quit on me right now and never lend your support again. That breaks my heart. Despite this, he loved me. And that made me dislike him even more. I don't know why I treated him like this, or how I started to feel hatred towards him. I was pushing him away, and he wouldn't leave. He wanted to marry me and have a family, I wanted to be as far away as possible. And that's what I did. I left. I fled. I moved to Scotland and avoided facing any of the issues I had.... ...although, you can only run so far. Every bad feeling, every daemon, I carried with me. I wasn't truly depressed, at least I was functional. I was more angry than sad. I was angry at myself, at him, people in my past that have done unspeakable things to me. I was angry for being fat. Angry that I didn't change. Angry that I ate to feel good, that I ate to feel bad. Angry that I couldn't stop eating, wouldn't stop, couldn't?

These are not happy eyes. From Scotland.

I was broken.

I wish I could tell you that some magical change took place in me, but the truth is.. It's not all gone. Sometimes the anger stirs in me, but mostly I'm better. What changed for me was love. I had never felt it before, and I didn't even realize that. I had always had people around me, but now I wasn't alone anymore. I felt like life suddenly had more in it. Like that promise of a better tomorrow suddenly was true. I can paint a picture with all the cliches in the world, but something changed. It wasn't just me drowning in my issues anymore, now we were treading water - together. And I just knew it would get better. I wrote my husband a note after a year or so together, and it sums it all up:

When I smiled before, it was mostly on the outside.

Now I'm smiling on the inside.

Even when the lights are off and we're going to sleep.

I love you for that.

Everyone knows that all the bad stuff grows at night. When you're in your bed, in the dark, that's when everything you've been pushing to the back of your mind ... just doesn't want to stay there. If it's money troubles, romantic problems, health issues, obesity, family life - anything. Being able to go to bed, worry free, for the first time since I was a child ... was priceless. I was still fat, but now there was hope. Hope is what gives birth to determination, dedication and willpower.

Love isn't a simple solution to losing weight. Kisses won't take away my food addiction, and my bad habits. If it did, I would have lost all this weight five years ago. What it does do, however, is provide reason. Fuel. Motivation. Drive. Will. Whatever your key needs to be.

These are happy eyes!! From my wedding day.

You have love! Be it the love from a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, a pet, a neighbour, a blogging friend. You have love. Someone in your life see your worth, they cherish you, they want the best for you. They want you to be healthy, and they want you to love yourself as much as they do. Reach out! Feel it! Lean on the love in your life, and make it fuel you!

Bust most importantly, love yourself.

And let that love fuel you!

My first meeting with the PT! (+shopping)

2011-12-02T16:09:00.000+01:00

Today was my first meeting with my PT (personal trainer). I'm not going to meet her regularly, because I believe I can push myself sufficiently without her. Plus, it's just too expensive. So the plan is to meet up at regular intervals and take my measurements (body scan) and re-evaluate my program. I told her how my two main goals are to lose weight and gain strength. She was all on board!

She made me an activity with 10 different exercises/machines, and we walked through it. My highlight was when she was genuinely excited to see how strong I already am. I had no idea that I came out strong in comparison to a lot of people. At one machine she suggested I tried to lift 25kgs, but we ended up at 70kgs - that's not bad! I exceeded her expectations, and I love that!

We talked a lot and she told me that I had done really well in these 8 weeks I have been working out, and I shared with her my fears of falling off the wagon if I started skipping workouts. She said that doing this program every other day is more than enough, and to do no strength workout on top of that what so ever. She said I can do cardio on the days in between if I wanted to, and take at least 1 day off each week. I'm very happy with that. I can feel content with my progress if I do the program every other day, and anything else is a bonus (and doesn't prevent restitution). I am excited!!!!

I also wanted to show you my shopping for the coming meals, because I am quite pleased with what I got. I even made a few bargains!

The two paper-wrapped packages in the back is beef sirloin. The sausage is a lean turkey sausage, and the round thing next to it is cabbage. There's a leek, rutabaga, potatoes, salad, tomatoes, eggs, corn, turkey for my bread, orange, orange sweet bell pepper, sweet pea pods (?), ham and cheese. All the products are lean, low fat, low cal, fresh, healthy! Oh, and then there's the Activia Vanilla Yoghurt! I stopped eating it a while back and my stomach has been really, realllllly hard - here's hoping some yoghurt with flax seeds will help! :)

Oh, and as a final note. I am going out with my friends to dinner tonight, and I'm not even worried. I've been drinking my water, I've worked out, and I know I won't pig out! High five for mental changes everyone!

Goodbye November, hello December!

2011-12-01T14:34:00.004+01:00

Yesterday you all did me a great service. I needed your help, and boy - did you come through! I have taken all the advice to heart, and on Friday I am meeting with a personal trainer to customize a program that's for me. My body, my starting point, my goals. Can't wait!

A brief summary of November:

I lost 2.3kgs (5lb).
I worked out for 22 of 26 days (I was sick for a good week)
Spent 1092 minutes exercising, and burned 11 760 kcal!
I didn't slip with my diet even once!
I peaked at 30 (knee)push-ups
I ran a 14 minute mile
I started the C25K program, and I'm doing well
I started the Sweet Tooth Challenge!

Goals for November were:

~~Reach weight loss goal #1 (5kgs)~~
Aim for weight loss goal #2 (10kgs)
Drink at least 1.5L water every day (starting small)
Exercise towards my 4000 minute goal (1400 in November)
~~Keep working on the emotional aspect of weight loss!~~

I didn't do too well with my goals for November. The #2 weight loss goal is set for January 9th though, so that was a long shot. I'm terrible with my water intake, and long story short... I am paying the price. My bowels are very, very upset with me. ;) The 4000 minute workout goal for October, November and December was pretty much lost when I got sick. But I logged 1092 minutes of exercise and that's not bad at all! The emotional aspect of weight loss isn't sorted in a month, but I am taking baby steps every single day. I truly am! I am happier now than I was 8 weeks ago!

Progress makes me happy!

Goals for December:

Reach weight loss goal #2 (10kg / 22lb)
Drink at least 1.5L water every day
Exercise at least 1000 minutes
Get through Christmas without a gain (stand still is OK)
Pick up my exercise routine after Christmas!!
Follow the personal trainer's program!

More..... water.... now.... !!!

I want to thank you again for sticking with me. I know there are the same old ups and downs in every weight loss blog, but having people give me some of their valuable time is fuel to my fire - it makes me keep going strong. I couldn't have done this without you.

With tears in my eyes and my hand on my heart,

I can tell you that I truly and sincerely love you all.

In need of advice!

2011-11-30T10:52:00.000+01:00

I've been working out very hard for these past 8 weeks, and only had a few days of restitution (not counting when I was sick). When I had that visit to my doctor we talked about going from 0 workouts to 6-7 a week, and what that would entail. She said her biggest worry was my long term motivation, rather than anything physical. I'm not having any motivational problems, but I can feel my body begining to ache and "burn" in new places, and especially my legs.

I'm worried that I'm working myself too hard, and that I should cut back on my exercise. I have had shin splints before, and the pains I have now are reminding me of that. My knees feel sore more often than not. I need to take the signals my body is sending me.

Here is what I need advice on:
I've bought a mat to work out on at home. I'm going to buy a step box and a medicine ball to be able to make a routine I can do at home. I'm thinking 10-15 minutes warm-up on the step box, and then a strength session on the mat, with the medicine ball - 15-20 minutes. This will be my resting day program. I don't know what kind of a burn that will give me, but I know it will better than nothing. It's not supposed to be high intensity, it's mostly about not breaking my rythm so to speak. It will also be very kind on my legs.

I'm terrified of slowing down, because I have started so hard before, and then just stopped altogether. Going in every day to work out takes away the possibility of postponing - and "oooops, I just did 2 workouts this week, rather than my planned 4". So yeah, that's basically it. I'm scared that cutting back will set me up for failure. I need your great advice on how to both be kind to my body, but also avoid falling off the workout-wagon.

Trying new things: Spinning & StepStrength

2011-11-29T13:44:00.000+01:00

Firstly, I want to thank you guys for supporting me in yesterday's post. I've read all your comments 4-5 times, and it's starting to sink in. I asked myself if I wouldn't want to eat healthy and exercise if I couldn't change my weight... and of course I would. I have to stay strong in my belief that if I keep working, things will get better! Thank you again, you are helping me change my life!

As a part of this life-changing journey, I've promised myself to try new things. To stop worrying about not being able, or to be making a fool of myself. The first "new" thing I tried recently was spinning. I say "new" because it's something I've done in the past, and that I used to enjoy. Now that I am quite a bit heavier, it's all the more hard and painful. Tim asked what the difference between a spin class and cycling on a normal exercise bike. Here are my thoughts on that:

group activity = more fun
instructor = coached activity
high heart-rate = more progress
specialized bike = easier to work hard
shoes with clips = push down, pull up = double workload

The spinning bike is very different from a normal exercise bike. Your position is different, it's more of a "race" kind of position. With the weighted flywheel you are also able to stand and work much harder than you could do on a normal exercise bike - standing on those is awkward. The group workout is very motivational for me, you sort of get "sucked in" and push yourself to keep up with the group. Having a skilled instructor that coaches, counts down, and tells you how to follow the route is great. The classes I have gone to usually have two "peaks", where you're working on maxing your heart rate. The first one is softer, then there's a slower period to lower your heart rate - before it's full throttle towards the end. It's a very efficient workout, and it's given me some of the best burns I've had.

Do I recommend it? Absolutely. It is a pain in the ass - literally - the first 6-7-8 times. After that, your butt is used to it and it's not bad. There are also padded shorts and gel-padded seats you can use for comfort. Go for it!!

The second new thing I tried, was StepStrength. It's a 60 minute class that has 30 minutes step and 30 minutes strength. Sounds hard? It was! I'm not a coordinated person when it comes to arms, legs, rhythm and all that. I am completely out of tune. Routines are hard for me, and I spend a lot of the class trying to get the choreography down. I wasn't very successful, but it was fun! People didn't laugh at me, but they sure laughed with me. There's a huge difference! I will be going back, because I think that with more practice, I can kick ass at this! The instructor uses the same step combinations in all her routines, so once I get the hang of it - I'll do better! The strength part was good too, with your own body and manuals to work with. I really enjoyed it!

My step box was higher than this :p

What new things have you tried lately?

Week #8 Weigh-in

2011-11-28T07:27:00.000+01:00

I'm bummed about today's results.. I felt like after a lot of hard work I deserved a lot more than this. But it is what it is, and now I have to work hard for next week's weigh in.

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 116.3kg / 256.4lb

Current weight: 116.2kg / 256.2lb

This week's loss: 0.1kg / 0.2lb

Total loss: 7kg / 15.4lb

I don't even know what to say. Clearly I have been above my plan line a few days, but with the exercise I have gotten below it. This week my aim is to not cross that line, exercise or not. I really need to do better than this, I want more progress. Chin up - next week is my week!

Geting a grip..

2011-11-27T16:21:00.000+01:00

I'm getting my nerves under control so to speak. I've decided to look forward, because as so many of you have said - that is the only way. It's not so much that I worry about that one single meal, I know it doesn't work like that. It's mostly about having too big expectations I think? I'm trying to tell myself that no matter what the scale says tomorrow, I will be fine with it. This week has been good for me. I have eaten well besides that one meal, I have recovered from being sick and I jumped right back into working out!

That might sound regular to some, but for me it's a massive achievement. Getting ill and not mustering the willpower to get back on the workout-wagon again afterwards has been my downfall so many times. The only thing different this time around is the blog and all of your support. It really does matter.

For the first time in over two years I'm going to a spin class. My butt will hate me for it.. The first 10 classes I am so sore it's unbelievable ..but, it's a great workout, and I really want to get back into the swing of things. I've changed my membership to be premium, meaning I can go to the small, local gym, and the bigger one close to my school. I've missed spin classes, and I think I need more variation in my training anyway.. the shin splints problem is creeping back.....

Wish me luck then,

for both the spinning and the weigh-in! ;)

Stop obsessing, dang it!

2011-11-26T15:15:00.000+01:00

That's what I need to learn! I know I've written here that this journey is more than just about losing weight. I need to find a comfort zone, a diet I can live with that is healthy AND tasty. My dinner yesterday was amazing. It truly was. I enjoyed every single bite, and I dreaded it would be over.. I logged it and I'm probably 4-500kcal over plan. That's not a massive "slip" or "binge" in my book.

So why do I worry about it so much?? I honestly don't know, and I wish I did. I feel like I've started something great these past 7-8 weeks, that I am turning my life around. I have so much fear of failing myself, and going back to my old ways. I think about it almost every day, but most of the time I am able to shrug it off. I am able to think "don't be stupid, of course I can do this!". When I slip, the bad thoughts somehow gets a stronger voice. Does anyone of you experience the same?

I went to the gym and decided it wasn't just going to be about redemption, but also about just looking forward and .... simply working out. So I did. I did the cross trainer, I ran and I biked. An hour earned me 600kcal and I feel g r e a t. I am sweaty, look like a red hot chilli pepper (not the band!) and I stink - but I am just so happy with the effort put in! I also bought myself an early Christmas present, a new "pulse watch" (I guess it's called heart rate monitor" - Polar FT40. It's usually $240 / £155, but on sale I got it for $137 / £88. Great buy! It works brilliantly, and doesn't disconnect all the time like my old one did. It really helps me push harder, and I can barely work out without one!

I have the beige one!

Tonight I'm going to enjoy some tex-mex! This is a picture from not too long ago when I had it with my husband. We usually have tacos or tortillas, and stuff them with spiced minced beef, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, corn, cucumber, tomato and salsa. The brown stuff is re-fried beans, something I didn't like at all. I LOVE to have nacho chips on the side with guacamole and cheddar dip, but not every time.. seeing it's a bit of a calorie bomb. And could you guys please tell me what you use in your tacos/tortillas, because I would love to try something new and change things up - especially since we have this every single weekend! ;)

Mmmmm, tacos!

Have a great Saturday!

Night out!

2011-11-25T21:33:00.000+01:00

I went to see Twilight with my friend today, and it was good. I've read the books and enjoy the saga. This one didn't let me down at all.

Twilight!

We had dinner, and I ate far too much. I had made a plan before going, and I followed it pretty well in the beginning. Then there were seconds.

Sigh.
I'm trying not to beat myself up about it.

All I know is I'm going to have to get a good burn tomorrow to shake this feeling of guilt and "you've-messed-everything-up-now,you-stupid-cow". I don't know why I feel like this, but I do. Upside is that I didn't have any candy or popcorn at the movies! So I guess there's that!

I hope to greet you in a better mood tomorrow! :-)

Liebster blog award!

2011-11-24T12:34:00.000+01:00

A very Sassy Redhead honoured me with this award a few days back, and I appreciate it so much!

It's supposed to be given to new(-ish) bloggers with less than 200 followers - that's me alright. ;) Here's what she wrote about me: A precious soul sharing her heart and her journey of her wins at losing weight. Her discipline and willingness to stick with it is motivating. She’s in Norway. Too far for me to hug, but I do hope to one day…

I too hope to remedy the hugging situation one day! Carrie is sweet, funny and sassy, and if you haven't read her blog yet, you have to do so immediately! (You are allowed to finish reading my post first though ;)). I have thought long and hard about who I wanted to pass this award on to, and the limit of 5 people is killing me. I can't pick five, and because of that I am going to cheat! I'm sharing this award with all of my blogging friends that have less than 200 followers - because you are ALL amazing!

I know Thanksgiving is on right now, and it's definitely easy to tell .. the blog universe is slow. I wish you all the best for your holidays though, and to see you all again very soon! I have recovered from my illness more or less, and I'm back to working out as hard as I can!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm progressing !

2011-11-23T08:13:00.000+01:00

I love competing with myself when it comes to working out. Be it a mountain hike, a walk, a gym session - anything I can time and try to improve - I'm game! I've found that it helps motivate me to get completely fatigued, and to stretch towards getting fitter. Working harder, basically!

I really want to be a runner, and I'm working hard toward that goal. The first time I tried running in years was early October, and I only lasted for about 1.5 minutes. I was feeling low.... Having worked out daily for three weeks, it was time to try again. This time I did better! After that I've increased the "stretches" every time, and adding a few shorter stretches after my "see-how-long-I-can-go"-stretch, to get out the remaining energy!

This graph shows my progress very well. The dark blue is my first stretch, the one where I see how long I can go before I have to stop. 1,5 was my first run, and 10:17 was my 2nd. The light blue is where I'm nearing the end of my run/walk and I try to finish strong. The green is just being mad and having more juice left!

I am proud of this progress! I have worked hard and I have pushed myself more in the past month than I have the past 10 years. That is something to be proud of! And I'll be damned if I can't become a runner!!

I've taken the advice from the shoe lady though, and she said I should focus on intervals rather than running stretches like this. In the early days, that's far less strenous for my body. She suggested I did that until January, and then checked to see how far I could run in one stretch. I'm definitely taking that advice, because that woman knew her stuff!

Do you have any running tips for me?
Do you run, or do you hate it like I did?

My thankful list.. (long)

2011-11-22T11:56:00.001+01:00

As you may or may not know, we don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in Norway. That does not, however, mean that we don't have things to be thankful for. And as I read my fellow bloggers thoughts and experiences around their holiday, I wanted to share my thankful list with you. The order is irrelevant.

My parents.
They have provided me with a set of skills that I have been able to rely upon throughout my life. I have never once felt overpowered by peer pressure, I have been confident in my own choices. I have felt loved all my life, I have been safe and cared for. I have been taught the difference between right and wrong, but also the difference between the big, bad wrongs and the small ones. How to apologize and mean it, how to apologize and not mean it as much. How to put others before myself, and how sweet it is to have been put first too. I have been told over and over until I believed it that I am special. It has been imprinted in me that I am smart, I have opportunities and I have a great life ahead of me. No thanks can ever repay all that, but it's a place to start.

Me, my mother and my father - at my wedding

My siblings.
My oldest brother, five years younger than myself, has been a challenge. We have fought like cats and dogs, but never let anyone else treat the other poorly. He is my brother to tease, everyone else needs to back off! We have grown apart and then together again. My youngest brother and sister came into my life at a point where I thought it was just going to be me and my first brother. At that time, we weren't close. It was a miracle to receive two siblings that came out of nowhere, and stole my heart entirely. I did the baby swimming, the diapers, the singing and rocking, and I know I've played a part in shaping them into the amazing little people they are now. My heart broke when I had to move away from them, but we've remained close and it means the world to me. I need all three of them to know that I am here. Day or night, no matter what. If ever they find themselves all alone and in a pickle, count on me. My youngest brother told me, when his mother was in a terrible bus accident and barely survived, and our father was struggling with a declining health ... that despite all that, he knew that I was there. He was never going to have to be alone, because I was there. Still makes me cry to this day.

Mathias, me, Oskar and Sofie - at my wedding

My husband.
There are so many things I could say, but the most important thing is that he knows how I feel. We met in the craziest circumstances, where I moved to the small town in Scotland where his father happens to be born and raised. My very first thought upon opening the door and seeing my husband was .. "he's mine!". We became a couple on February 12th 2007, and by April 17th the same year I had quit my job, left Scotland and moved in with him in Norway. We got married May 1st 2010, the best day in my life so far. We've never argued, and I feel like as if we both have space to be our "own persons" inside this marriage. I am blessed. He is my best friend, and I love traveling through life together with him.

Love ♥

Hooray! ♥

My friends.
I don't have many friends, but I have good ones. I get in touch with people easily, but it takes me a long time to get really close to someone. I pride myself in being a loyal friend, and I would go through hell and back for my friends if they needed me to. No names mentioned, no names forgotten. They all know who they are.

My health.
It feels ironic writing this down since I have struggled with complications after surgery for months on end now.. But the fact is, I am healthy. Despite my weight, I have a normal blood pressure, and nothing major is wrong with me. I have some more cysts that need to be removed, but they are benign .. and thus, a trifle. In the darkest times after this cyst removal surgery, I have forced myself to think how badly it all could have been. I am healthy, even if I have less healthier days. As I've mentioned, my father has PKD (poly-cystic kidney disease), and that might mean that my health will change in the future.. But for now, I remain thankful.

My country.
I don't believe in a pompous kind of patriotism, but to be honest I am proud of my country. The incredible nature set aside, we have a welfare system that most countries could only dream of. Everyone is taken care of, private health insurance is rendered unnecessary. Some opt to have it to not have to wait in the public line, and go into private alternatives. But the truth is that the public line isn't long, and everyone is treated. The educational system is great, with a governmental loan/aid that ensures everyone can get an education. My country is liberal, democratic, equal and modern. I am proud to say that. Of course, there is room for improvement. There always is! I, for one, would like to see the state church gone, and Norway becoming a secular state. I would like to see more comfortable care for the elderly, more money to the schools, more help to struggling addicts.. the list goes on. But I live in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, and that is definitely something to be grateful for.

Bergen. Norway - my new hometown for the past 5 years.

These are just some of the things I am thankful for. I could go on and on. I could tell you about how much my hobbies and crafts mean to me, how thankful I am to have learned English well so I can communicate effortlessly, how much I love animals, how thankful I am that I have a support system that goes around the world - and how thankful I am that I, for the first time in years, am changing my life for the better.

I am thankful that I have a life I can live as I please.

I am thankful that I can achieve anything I set my mind to!

I am thankful for you.

Week #7 Weigh-in + measurements

2011-11-21T07:18:00.000+01:00

So.... drumroll! I've been dying to see if I've moved forward from last week, and sure enough ... I did!

Starting weight: 123.2kg / 272lb

Previous weigh-in: 117.3kg / 258.6lb

Current weight: 116.3kg / 256.4lb

This week's loss: 1kg / 2.2lb

Total loss: 6.9kg / 15.2lb

The past week's calories

And, for the first time since starting this blog I have taken new measurements. The chart might not show you exactly how good these numbers are, but in 7 weeks I have lost 25cm / 10 inches! This is divided on my stomach, hips, thighs, chest and upper arm. HOORAY! I took the measurements right before I had my surgery in August, and from that date and until 7 weeks ago.. I couldn't exercise. I was struggling with complications and everything was hard. Now - I'm on my way!

Things are going better than I could have dreamt of after only 7 weeks. This makes me proud, and very happy. Now it's all just a matter of keeping it up!

I also want to remind you of the challenge I posted yesterday. I'm hoping that many more will join in. Don't worry about the rules too much, adjust it to your diet and choices :) Click on the picture below to go to that post.

I challenge you: Sweet Tooth Challenge!!

2011-11-20T20:56:00.002+01:00

I've come up with my own challenge for myself, and for all of you. We're heading towards a time filled with indulgence (Christmas!), and I for one need to lay off any treats up until then. So I now pronounce the Sweet Tooth Challenge!

Challenge icon!

The rules are simple:

You define a list of what's off limits in YOUR challenge. Sweets, treats, desserts, chips, anything you need to lay off - include it!

Set a date, such as December 23rd or whichever date suits you best. (You can push your start date to after Thanksgiving if you feel that's best ;) )

You can challenge people directly, or just announce your participation.

Post it on your blog and link back here. Grab the tooth picture too. :) If you are on Twitter you can use #SweetChallenge

You don't have to update on your progress regularly, but I suggest you add it to something else you post about regularly.. such as weigh-ins or other challenges you're in.

So, do you accept the challenge??

My goal date is December 24th and my list of what's off limits:

Chocolate
Ice cream
Chips or anything similar
Desserts
Candy

Burning some bugs!

2011-11-20T13:27:00.001+01:00

I am a firm believer of sweating out illness, although it can't happen until you've started your recovery process. Once the fever has lifted and I feel myself getting better, I set out to burn some bugs! It's hard to say if it works, or if my body is just healing anyway.. but I know for sure that I feel so much better after taking a walk and getting some fresh air. I only coughed a few times on my walk, compared to when I'm sitting here coughing a lot!

Let me show you just how sick I've been, I think I have some decent proof:

This is sick! Couldn't even be bothered to comb my hair ;)

For my walk today I just followed the road where I live. I decided early on that I couldn't manage to go the entire way, but my roundtrip was 2.1 miles - and I'm happy with that!

My walk - 2.1 miles!

Here are some pretty poor snapshots from my phone, gives you an idea of what it's like here! We should have some snow by now, but thankfully nothing yet!

Uphill....

More uphill....

Fingers crossed that this has burnt at least SOME bugs!!

Have a great weekend!

On the mend.. :)

2011-11-19T17:06:00.000+01:00

My fever is gone, and all I'm left with is a dry cough that will wear itself out soon enough. I feel okay, but I wouldn't exactly go for a run tonight. ;)

I've decided to have some tortillas with ground beef tonight, because my taste buds have been revived, and I'm desperate for something other than bananas, coughing medicine and yoghurt. I've made sure to get close to my daily calorie allowance, I usually don't want to eat a lot when I'm sick, but that's not the right way to lose weight. I'm thinking that lovely sour cream will take care of my budget in no time. In all honesty I'm known to have sour cream with tacos/tortillas.... I love it. But I'm getting better at that too, so one day I might have a healthy relationship with the sour cream. I can't be bothered making room for chocolate or candies in my budget, but I'll work out for an extra hour if it means I can go to town on that delicious treat! I know what you're thinking, but we all got our soft spots! I see many fellow bloggers write about peanut butter and how that's their daemon, well SC is mine. ;)

Here's a picture of my pastime while being sick: a baby blanket for my sister-in-law. She's expecting in Januray (possibly February). It's hard to get the colours right in this autumn lighting, but you get the picture of what I've been doing at least. :)